


Wicked Turmoil

by Femphoenix



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dark Emma Swan, Dark Swan Arc, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 18:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9338525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Femphoenix/pseuds/Femphoenix
Summary: When Emma becomes the Dark One, Regina can't help but blame herself. Why was the Savior so foolish to throw everything away for her? And why is Regina the only one that Emma will talk to? Shouldn't she want to destroy the Evil Queen for ruining her life? There is a battle raging on inside Emma's head; will she break the Dark One's curse once in for all?





	1. Chapter 1

_“She's lost in the darkness_  
Fading away  
I'm still around here  
Screaming her name  
She's haunting my dreamworld  
Trying to survive  
My heart is frozen  
I'm losing my mind”  
— **Within Temptation**

There was a sickening desire to run away from the world; run far away to the edges of the earth where no one could find her. Perhaps such a thought was why Regina found herself on the edges of the town, lost in the thick woods of Storybrooke. She had tried to find peace in Robin’s arms, but all she could feel was that mournful twisting of her stomach. The darkness had come for her. It had come to devour the light she had fought so hard to find and what was strange was that it was okay. Something always told her that she was meant for darkness; there truly was no escape. She was letting go…

But Emma had to be the Savior once again. She had come running in on a white horse to save her from the roaring fires that always seem to consume her. She never understood how the woman could care so much for her. Was there truly a bond between them or was it merely the Savior being…well the Savior?

Her heart had skipped a beat when she saw Emma run towards her, very well of her intentions, but there had to have been another way. Emma had come so far for being a nonbeliever. She had finally embraced who she was with much thanks to the former Evil Queen. Regina had been proud, actually proud of the woman who had dragged nails down the chalkboard of her mind.

But now she truly was the villain. Emma was gone and it was because of her. Regina was the reason Emma had to become the Savior in the first place. The stubborn woman full of light has been overcome by the darkest darkness in all realms. It wasn’t Emma’s burden to carry; the darkness wasn’t meant for her.

_It was meant for me._

She closed her eyes and all she could see were those strong, emerald eyes coming for her; coming to _save_ her. Regina tried to tell her no, but there was no use in fighting it; the blonde had already made up her mind.

_You always were a fool, Emma._

Their eyes had remained connected to one another as the darkness entwined around the blonde’s limbs. Regina could see the strength in Emma’s eyes even as the shadows sucked every ounce of light from her. She sacrificed herself for the brunette and that’s what would haunt her.

She couldn’t stand the sight of Robin’s gaze, for all she saw were ghostly, emerald orbs with an unspoken promise of “I will keep you safe” as Emma had always done. She had never deserved it, but Emma had always come to her rescue. Even when she was enveloped in Robin’s arms her amber eyes found Emma’s once more. She could see the sudden pain in the Savior’s eyes. The weakness as the light began to fade before she disappeared into the blackness of the night.

Regina had wanted to cry out. The moment Emma disappeared she felt empty like there was a black hole inside of her chest draining every ounce of emotion she contained. Emma was the one who had stirred the pot upon entering Storybrooke and without her she felt nothing.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” Regina whispered before turning her head to the sky, screaming out as if some deity was there to hear her, “It was supposed to be _me!_ ”

In the cadence of the night she felt even emptier. Had she ever felt this way? Even when Daniel had died? She didn’t linger on those thoughts for long, for they would have drowned her. Where was she? Where had the Dark One vanished to? The brunette shivered at the name and bowed her head, tears streaming like a downpour of rain.

“…Emma…”

She needed to be strong. For Henry. It was always for Henry, but for once in her life she felt a voice in the back of her mind whispering _and for Emma_. Yes, she had to be strong especially for Emma. She was the one who had led the brunette to the light; she was the one who had never given up on her.

Her knees sunk into the dirt as she lowered herself down, her legs unable to hold the weight of her body. She could be weak for just this night. There was nothing she could do.

* * *

 

**Earlier That Evening**

Emma was actually _gone._ No one, not even Regina, had an explanation for it. She felt all eyes burning into her skull, but she still couldn’t process what had just happened.

“Emma?” the pirate called out desperately into the open air, “Emma, where are you!?”

He hollered on until he broke into a pathetic sob, his hands coming to his face.

“How can she be gone? Just like that?”

His eyes turned to Regina, begging her for an answer. She opened her mouth and shut it multiples times before she said the only thing she could think of.

“I…I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t _know_?” Hook’s voice picked up venom as he wiped the tears from his face, taking a step towards her. Robin’s grip on Regina tightened. “You’re the bloody Queen of Darkness!”

Regina seethed and attempted to pull out of her lover’s arms, her temper rising when the man didn’t release. With all the strength she could muster, she shoved his arms off of her and marched towards the raggedy pirate, her chin rising in defiance.

“Perhaps you have forgotten, dear, that Rumpelstiltskin was the one who got us into this mess in the first place. If you want to pick a fight do it with him not me.”

The anger in his face didn’t dissolve; his eyes only narrowed more and he made a lunge for the brunette only to halt when a sphere of plasma formed in the palm of her hand.  

“Regina!” Snow called out from the distance to stop her.

“Come closer and you’ll be ash,” the older brunette threatened with no regard towards the fair queen.

“Regina,” Snow scolded as she jumped between them, her eyes red from tears but her voice stern like a mother, “Hook. You both need to stop this! Now is not the time. My daughter—”

“Is gone,” Regina intervened with a pained growl, “Yes, we all saw that, Snow. I think we are _all_ very well aware.”

It didn’t dawn on her that the fireball still swirled in her hands until everyone’s gaze was upon it. With a loud sigh it distinguished. The pirate across from her scuffed his boot on the ground and gave a grunt of his own. The anger was calming as a collection of countless other emotions scattered across his face. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding back more tears.

“We need to summon her then,” he remarked, reaching towards the dagger. Before he could get a hold of it, it was lifted in the air away from his reach by a purple mist. He glared once again at Regina.

“That is not a good idea,” the brunette rebutted, “I have a feeling that she is highly unstable right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Emma’s magic is strong,” she confessed as she continued to hold the blade in place, “If she is as strong as I feel she is it may not have completely taken over her yet. I think her vanishing may have been her own doing because she could feel her control slipping.”

“You think she was trying to protect us?” the fair queen asked with wide eyes, “You think Emma might actually be okay?”

Regina sighed and looked to the ground.

“Don’t get your hopes up, Snow. Her control will not last for long. And I hate to admit it, but I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I’ve only ever known the Dark One as Rumpelstiltskin; it could very well have a completely different agenda. All the pain Emma has gone through in her life; it could all surface…”

Everyone grew silent as Regina’s words sunk in. Snow’s face crumpled in fear, remembering the spite Emma had towards them when the first curse broke. All of the pain that had helped harden Emma into the woman she was today could erupt into a chaotic massacre if provoked too soon. Regardless, every time left waiting was also another second of the darkness seeping into her veins and there was nothing they could possibly do to stop it.

“So what do we do?” David asked, marching into the scene as if he was the lead of the pack, but one look at his face told an entirely different story.

“Wait. We wait until she comes to us.”

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

A few soft taps sounded from the other side of the drawing room door but remained unheard. The brown haired preteen knocked on the door once more before cracking open the door slowly and peering in.

“Mom?” Henry called out softly.

His eyes fell upon his mother curled up on the couch, a thin blanket wrapped around her. Despite the chillness of the room, the hearth remained untouched which surprised Henry since it could easily be lit with a flick of the wrist. The thought of his mother doing magic for simple tasks didn’t bother him as it used to, for he had seen the heroic deeds she had done in order to redeem herself. He had watched her sprout from a wilting flower to a garden rose. Her poisoned apples had finally sobered up and now he was watching as the worms of guilt ate through her once again.

Walking up softly, not to frighten her, he called out her name again and this time she stirred, murmuring something under her breath. Scrunching up her face, she opened her eyes and was met by hazel eyes; eyes so much like his biological mother’s. The look of concern on her son’s face startled her to alertness and she let out a sleepy sigh.

“I’m sorry, Henry,” she sat up and tosses the blanket off of her, not taking the time to fold it like she always did, “I must have fallen asleep.”

“Are you okay? You look terrible, mom.”

His words weren’t meant to hurt, but Regina cringed slightly. He could see it. The haunted gloom. He tried to tell himself that everything would be alright as long as she didn’t fall back into that darkness, but as he looked at his mother, eyes darker than usual and cheeks pale, he grew worried. What if she gave in again? What if he was left with _two_ dark moms?

Regina was a walking, empty shell. Emma had been the flickering flame in the shadows and without her Regina nothing. Did his parents ever realize their connection? Had they ever taken time to ponder the combative bond they had ever since the day they met? It wasn’t just over Henry. No matter how many times his name had been the reason, deep inside he knew that there was something _more._

“What was it you needed, sweetheart?” Regina finally replied, shifting gears towards him.

“I was about to head over to the Charming’s apartment and was seeing if you were coming.”

The brunette did a mental face palm and sighed heavily once again. It had completely slipped her mind that they were meeting over the dagger that evening. Only three days had passed since the Savior’s disappearance, but it already felt like an eternity. Telling Henry was one the hardest things she ever had to do. But as always, Henry was the truest believer. They would save Emma. It was their time to repay everything the blonde had done for them.

 “I’m sorry, dear,” the brunette said and leaned down to pick up a book from the floor that she had been reading prior to her unanticipated nap, “I forgot. Give me a few moments.”

A moment of frazzled silence passed through the room.

 “Mom.”

Regina picked up on her son’s serious tone and looked at him with a cocked head.

“Hm?”

“You don’t have to blame yourself, ya know?” as he spoke he sat down on the empty cushion and met his mother’s shocked gaze, “And don’t say you don’t. You had no say in what Emma did; she _chose_ to save you. You’re not alone in this. We’re going to save her. Together.”

As usual, she was stunned to silence by her son’s wise words. He had grown up so much…far too quickly. He should have had his nose shoved in a comic or one of those hand held video games she tried not to snatch from his fingers. She had reached a point where she let him be happy regardless of her own thoughts as long as he was safe. She remembered the fake years she had given him and Emma and had to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down her face.

“I love you, Henry,” was all she could reply and pulled him against her.

“I love you too, mom.”

 

* * *

 

Anticipation arose as the two waited outside of the apartment. They could hear rummaging around from the other side of the door. Just as Regina went to knock on the door once more it swung open to reveal a pair of bewildered eyes.

“…Regina, Henry,” she gasped and looked to the ground as if she could hide the panic on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Henry asked before his mother could.

“The…the dagger…” the pixie haired woman squeezed her eyes shut, “it’s gone.”

Their eyes went wide with terror.

“What do you _mean_ it’s _gone_?” the older brunette inquired and pushed passed the fair woman, her eyes scanning the room as if it would jump out to her, “A dagger can’t grow legs and walk out on its own.”

“I don’t know!” Snow cried out, her hands flying up, “We hid it up in the attic in a chest and it just disappeared. One of us has been here at all times.”

Regina’s face had latched onto some color finally, but this time her cheeks were blazed with anger. Her intuition had told her not to let the fools watch over such a powerful weapon _especially_ when they had no magic to guard it.

“You don’t think Gold had something to do with it, do you?” David asked as he came down the stairs to Emma’s room. The door to her room was left open and Regina felt a pull of curiosity as if Emma was upstairs waiting for her to find her. She shook the ridiculousness from her mind and turned to the blond prince.

“He doesn’t have any powers though and he’s been in the hospital. I don’t think he would want anything to do with that dagger after everything.”

“What if Emma got a hold of it?” Henry asked hesitantly “Isn’t that the one most important thing to the Dark One?”

As he spoke, he held his words with the strength of not a young boy but of someone who had witnessed the world shatter before his eyes. Regina could see the pain, a pain that no child should ever hold in their heart. She wanted to wrap him up and hold him against her chest just as she had done so many years ago. Back when the world was simple. Back before… _Emma_.

“That does make sense…” Snow replied and looked to David, “Wasn’t Hook supposed to meet us here too?”

“Never doubt a pirate to be late,” Regina retorted with a roll of her eyes.

“Mom,” the young boy made eye contact with everyone, “I don’t want to say this, but what if he isn’t _late_. I know you’re not a fan of him, but if Emma really did get a hold of the dagger, she could have gone after him. After all she was the one closest to her heart, right?”

For some reason those last words hit Regina like a glowing, scorched dagger to her chest and she took a breath to steady herself.  

Snow and Regina shared a worried look and knew at that moment that Henry was onto something. Without a word, they grabbed their jackets and headed towards the door before Regina abruptly stopped, Snow almost ramming into her back.

“Henry, I want you to stay here,” she held up her hand when his lips parted, “It is not up for debate. I want you safe and nowhere near that dagger if something were to happen.”

He gave a curt nod, his face falling as he knew there was no way he would win that argument especially when David and Snow were nodding along with his mother.

“I love you, Henry,” Regina whispered and kissed his head, “We’ll be back soon.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Dark crimson was the first thing they saw upon entering the pirate’s apartment. The wet spots glimmered in the sunlight peeking through the blinds as the dark-haired man lay unconscious beneath shards of a glass table. Judging at the look of the blood, he had been there for at least a few hours.

Gasps escaped from everyone’s lips at almost the same time. Coming to a halt beside him, David leaned down and placed his fingers upon the man’s neck.

“He’s still breathing, but there is a lot of blood. Snow, call an ambulance.”

 “Not before we find that dagger,” Regina replied and was greeted with two cold stares, “Do you want another incident like this happening? Besides…he should have known better.”

For all she cared this pirate could die here in this very room since he was idiotic enough to steal the dagger in the first place. Voicing such an opinion would have garnered and even stronger discontentment from the two idiots, so she kept her mouth shut. Emma wasn’t there to back her up for once.

The dagger needed to be in Regina’s possession; not because she _wanted_ it, but because she was the only one capable of keeping such an item on lockdown. She was a fool to think that they could have kept it safe, but there had been no energy left for arguments the night Emma disappeared.

Her internal rambling came to a cease when a glint of silver caught her eye from underneath the couch. In a blur of a moment she was leaning down to grab it. A scorching burn upon her fingertips elicited a sharp exclaim. Eyes watched her as she stared at her own hand in incredulity, her fingertips a rosy red.

_What on Earth?_

“I can’t pick it up,” she said slowly in disbelief.

She turned to meet Snow’s hazel eyes; the phone was held to her pale skin as her eyes gleamed in horror at the thought that her daughter might have done all of this. Sure, the drunken pirate could have easily been inebriated before noon, but the glass that had pierced his flesh was from far more than a clumsy tumble. Hook had been _thrown._

It was evident that David took it as a sign that Regina wasn’t fit to possess the dagger, but when he reached for the dagger himself and received a similar pain they realized that something wasn’t right. Could you _anger_ the Dark One’s dagger? Could this be Emma’s doing? Or did Hook manage to fuck something up?

Snow shook her head, unwilling touch the dagger. Unwilling to be let down. The dagger may have been a part of her daughter, but it was dark. They had tried so hard to eradicate that darkness. Her greatest nightmare was coming to light and she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“What do we do now?” David asked but no one had an answer.

“The ambulance is on their way. Regina, do you have any idea why we can’t pick it up?”

“No idea, dear.”

Regina’s voice tried to be stern, but it broke. She felt hopeless. If she couldn’t even touch the dagger, how was she supposed to save the Savior? It wasn’t a question of whether or not it was her role to do so, for that decision was made the moment the darkness took Emma from them.

“Let me try,” Henry said from the doorway. How long he had been there, no one knew, but his face remained calm despite his eyes constantly shifting to the motionless brunet. All of this blood and he was composed like a young man he was becoming.

“Henry! I thought I told you—”

She stopped abruptly when her son’s fingers wrapped around the dagger’s handle. There were no signs of harm as the elaborate blade shimmered in the light.

“How did you know you could touch it?”

“Just a hunch,” Henry replied with a shrug. Henry:  the true believer.

Regina tried one more time, touching the edge of the dagger and hissed. Before anyone else could say a word, the sound of an ambulance echoed in the distance.

 

* * *

 

“What the bloody hell?” Hook grumbled from the hospital bed and proceeded to yank at the IV in his arm, stopping when a hand came down upon his. When his eyes looked up to see who was around him, he froze. Regina, Henry, David, and Snow surrounded him, Snow’s face showing most concern while Regina’s teetered on the edge of anger and apathy.

“You’re in the hospital,” the pixie-haired woman told him softly, “There was blood everywhere and—”

“Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?” Regina interrupted with a cruel tone, “Would you like to explain why _this_ was in your possession?”

She pointed towards the dagger in Henry’s possession as Hook’s eyes widened.

“Emma…” his face scrunched up as the memories flooded his brain. “I-I…I saw her,” he tells them with a weak voice, “but it wasn’t her. Her eyes…they were pitch black. And she was…so ghostly pale. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t listen and when I tried to touch her she… she went berserk.”

“This is why the dagger needs to be with _me_ ,” Regina spit, “Emma was already powerful without aid. Now you’re going around taunting her? Do you have a death wish, Pirate?”

“Regina!” Snow shouted.

“I thought I could help,” Hook responded as his eyes grew glassy, “I needed to see her.”

She saw the pain in his face and she couldn’t bring herself to scold him further. As much as she loathed this man, Emma had touched him and become a part of his life.

_But he still could have waited for us all instead of stealing it!_

“If Emma did that to him who knows what she’ll try doing to us…?” Snow whispered loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

“That wasn’t Emma,” Regina reminded them, “Or well…I mean it _was_ of course, but remember she’s battling the darkness. Her actions are going to be very rash.”

“How do we know she hasn’t given in to the darkness already?” Hook asked with a grimace as he attempted to sit up in his bed.

“Because she didn’t take the dagger,” Henry chimed in, his eyes staring at the letters on the dagger.

Regina extended her arm and wrapped it around her son, pulling him close for comfort. Whether it was comfort for herself or him was another question.

“What are you thinking, Henry?”

“The dagger is where her full power lies and without it someone else can control her. If she was truly the Dark One she would have snatched the dagger without a second thought.”

“But that doesn’t explain why none of us buy Henry can touch it,” David replied and side glanced at the pirate, “Obviously Hook could touch it beforehand.”

“Henry, hold out the dagger,” Regina asked him softly and when he did she ran her hands across it feeling a tingling pulsation.

 “Emma enchanted it. But I don’t know why.” She didn’t voice her thoughts on how the blonde probably didn’t trust the two idiots and a pirate to save her life; probably because Regina herself was a bit torn that she couldn’t touch it either. “She trusts Henry with her life. After everything we’ve been through he’s never given up.”

She touched her son’s cheek with admiration, wondering how she raised such an intelligent, brave young man. She briefly reflected on how she would have reacted in the past to this. She would have felt rage, but after all this time Henry was both of theirs. A closed adoption meant nothing after all they had been through together. However, she was guilty of the ill feeling of jealousy. Was that acceptable? Did she have the right to be? But that jealousy faded into sadness just as quickly and she realized that Emma must have not trusted her enough to save her from the darkness.

“I think we all need some time to think about our situation,” Regina said, “Obviously the dagger is going in a _safer_ place. Henry and I will make sure of it.” Both David and Snow went to interject. “No, you two get no more say after letting this mangy pirate get his hands on it.”

“I was just—” Hook went to say.

“And _you_.  You will stay put here while we handle all of this. I don’t care if you were Emma’s _lover_. I don’t care if you _just wanted to see her_. This is serious, pirate, and once you get that through your head, we’ll talk.”

And now it seemed as if Regina was leading the pack. No one said a word, for it was true. Hook was very unstable and they couldn’t risk him screwing something else up.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The door to Gold’s shop chimed as the mayor and son walked in. Belle looked up from the large, leather bounded book she was reading on the counter and greeted them with a soft hello. Next to her was a peculiar jar with a glowing red rose that gave off an aura of light magic.

“Regina, Henry,” Belle said as she walked around to them, “What can I do for you?”

 “We need your help,” She watched curiously as Henry clutched onto a bag that was hanging by his side as he spoke. He slowly opened up his bag and brought out the dagger that Belle never wanted to see again. Her eyes went wide with horror and her mannerisms went solid.

“Why did you bring that here?”

“It’s okay,” Henry reassured her, but Belle wanted nothing of it.

“No, that thing is the reason why my husband is in a coma.”

“That dagger is also the reason you _met_ Rumple, mind you,” Regina intervened and received a cold stare, for their past between one another wasn’t one they cared to speak about, “Without the darkness you would have never encountered that man.”

The younger woman took a deep breath and gathered herself, glancing back towards the rose on the counter as if upon instinct. When she looked back she caught sight of what looked like intricate engravings of a name. Seeing the look upon the woman’s face, Regina enlightened her of their situation.

“We couldn’t contain the darkness. It escaped and came after the darkest soul it could find.”

“Which was…?”

“Me.”

Belle resisted the urge to take a step back; she knew that Regina was finally on their side, but the thought of the former Evil Queen with all that power was terrifying.

“And now you want my help to rid you of the darkness?”

“Not me, dear,” the older brunette sighed sadly and looked at Henry. He held up the dagger in front of the librarian to reveal a name she wasn’t expecting, gasping in response.

“…how is that possible?” Belle whispered, her eyebrows coming together in confusion.

“She went after the darkness to save me and it took her instead. None of us could stop her and now she’s…gone,” Regina’s voice cracked at the last word. “But Hook got a hold of the dagger and ended up in the hospital. He claims he saw Emma, but she has gone back into hiding. And now we need your assistance.”

“I’ll do whatever I can. How can I help?”

They discussed their fear on having the dagger out in plain sight and about how easily it was stolen from the Charming’s apartment. Regina wanted to put it in her vault, but Henry had voiced his opinion; the vault would obviously be one of the first places Emma would look. Regina could wave her hand with a spell, but breaking and entering for the new Dark One would be as simple as picking a lock back in the day.

“I may have just the thing you need,” Belle told them before disappearing into the back. There came the sound of rustling around until she exclaimed aloud and popped back into the room. In her hands was a dark oak box detailed with deep, intricate designs. She sat it on the counter before them.

“A wooden box?” Henry inquired and stepped towards it, running a finger over the beautifully carved wood.

“A magical puzzle box, actually,” Belle corrected him.

“What’s so magical about it?” Regina asked curiously as she waved her hand over it not sensing any enabled energy.

“I found a diagram of a similar one. Do you see these symbols? I don’t know what language or realm they’re from, but they’re used as an enchantment. Once the box is locked a trap will be set. After three failed attempts the trap will go off.”

“…but you have no idea what the trap is.”

“No, Rumpel might have known, but if you give me some time I can do some more research—”

“There’s no time. This dagger needs to be hidden as soon as possible.”

“I think it’s worth the risk,” Henry chimed in as he lifted the lid of the box, “We’ll burry it in this box.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Regina asked her son.

“I know a spot no one would ever think to look.”

Unexpectedly, Henry sat the dagger and box on the counter and hugged Belle hard. The young boy had always liked Belle. Just like him, she was a true believer. She always saw the good in Rumpelstiltskin even when they all knew power was more important to him. And here she was, staying strong and waiting for her lost love to come back just as Henry was waiting for his mother.

“We’ll get your mother back, Henry,” Belle told him and gave him a tight squeeze, “She’s stronger than any of us.”

“Which is why we all should be afraid,” Regina whispered, “and get to hiding this dagger. Thank you, Belle. I’m sorry we couldn’t have come to you with better news.”

 

* * *

 

The dagger was locked tightly away deep in the dirt, or at least as far as the two managed to dig for such a small box. Regina thought about a cloaking spell for the spot, just for safe keepings, but she was afraid Emma would sense the magical distortion. They walked back to the car, Henry hanging close to his adoptive mother.

Regina looked to the evening sky, blazing with the light of orange and pink fire. Was Emma looking at the sunset? Or was she lost in the darkness?

_Where did you go?_

A small rumble from her pocket drew her attention away and she pulled out her phone, spying a new text from Robin along with several others that went unanswered for the last two days. She felt bad for dumping the man on the side of the road, but after what happened with Emma she couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes in fear he would see a wicked little secret that not even she knew yet. He had been sincere about her needing space, but from the looks of the apparent missed calls, voicemails, and texts he was getting antsy.

She sighed and slid her phone back into her pocket as they approached the black Mercedes, not noticing the look of concern on her son’s face.

 

* * *

 

The day was slowly coming to an end as Regina finished rinsing the last plate from dinner, placing it on the drying rack. Stepping towards the fridge, she opened the door and pulled out a bottle of her homemade cider. Just as she was beginning to pour the amber liquid into a crystal glass, there came a heavy but almost weary knock on the door, if knocks could have emotion.

She half expected to see Emma when she opened the door, so used to the blonde appearing at the most random times in her life. Instead, she found the man who was supposed to be her lover staring at her.

“Regina,” the thief said with relief and leaned forward to place a kiss on her lips. Regina let it happen and returned it with a thin smile.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him as if he was a stranger, but slid to the side to let him in.

 “I’m so relieved you’re alright.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He sighed. She was raising her guard and he could feel it. He followed her into the drawing room, pulling the door closed.

“You haven’t responded to my text messages, you ignore my calls. I was trying to give you some space but I was worried about you. I thought that maybe the Dark O-” he switched gears as he noticed the twitch of her lip at the ungodly title, “I feared you may have been hurt.”

“I promise you I can handle myself, Robin. You tend to forget that I ruled an entire kingdom by myself. I know how to protect myself.” Robin pursed his lips, not sure how respond. “I’m sorry I haven’t replied to you or kept you in the loop. With everything going on right now I can’t seem to keep a hold of head.”

“So let me help you, my love. Don’t make me sit back and watch as you rot away. Don’t look at me like that. You’ve been locking yourself away in this mansion blaming yourself, but it’s not your fault, Regina.”

“Let me reassure you that I have been doing everything in my power to find out how to save Emma.”

“But why does all the weight have to fall on your shoulders? Let me lift it, at least for a moment.”

Regina could feel anger beginning to swirl inside of her and she instinctively raised a hand to her temple, waiting for the impending migraine. She felt like a worn ragdoll that had been thrown against the ground a million times. He was trying to help, but she had purposely asked for space for this exact reason. Her emotions had gone haywire. She was frantic.

“That darkness was meant for me, Robin. Not her. _I_ was the Evil Queen. _I_ was the one who destroyed thousands of lives. The Darkness wanted _me._ This is _all_ because of me.”

 _What am I doing?_ She asked herself. She knew how she was reacting was wrong. She should have let him in, but she simply couldn’t do that. Not tonight. _But when? I can’t keep doing this to him…_

“Those things are in the past. You’re not that woman anymore. I’ve seen you use light magic.”

 “You don’t get it do you?” she scolded, the room feeling tighter and tighter with each breath.

“What is there to get? Emma wanted you to be happy. That’s why she took on the darkness. Why can’t you even attempt to be happy with me?”

Regina snapped at that moment; her voice raising louder than the walls could contain.  

“I can’t!” she approached him with the quick stride of a queen, “This is my curse.”

“Regina,” he begged as he reached out to touch her face, “you can’t possibly believe—”

“Just stop it!” she screamed and slapped his hand away, feeling a surge of energy ripple beneath her skin; it took her all of her control, which was slim to begin with, not to send him flying into the door. He stared at her, mouth agape as her eyes danced with a sinister, hazy purple and he edged back.

 “Regina, don’t push me away. I love you.”

“Get out.”

“Regina, please,” tears began to pull around his eyes.

Part of Regina wanted to reach out and comfort him, but that voice was trampled by the familiar taste of darkness. She waved her hand causing a puff of smoke to surround the man and suddenly he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Storybrooke’s town hall was roaring with chatter as the last citizens found their seats. Regina sat at the front; not the usual place for the mayor of a town, but they had all come to an agreement that Snow and David should handle this. This meeting was because of their daughter after all. Clearing her voice, Mary Margaret took her place at the pedestal and waited for the room to silence.

“Thank you all for coming today,” she started, “I wish I could bring us together on better terms, but I have some dire news to discuss with all of you. I am sure that many of you have taken notice of my daughter’s disappearance. The Sheriff. The Savior. Emma. Whatever you may like to call her…well…” she hesitated and with a reassuring nod from her husband, she continued on, “She _is_ gone. At least as we know her. In all attempts to contain the darkness that was inside of Mr. Gold, we failed. It was simply stronger than we could have realized. The darkness escaped, took hold of Regina, but Emma took it in her own hands and took the darkness for herself.”

The entire room gasped. Regina could feel the back of her head burning from the dozens of eyes that were boring into her. _They’re going to blame me. I’m going to be the Evil Queen once more._

“Why the hell would she do that?” Grumpy said, standing up and a few others nodded along with them.

“She was being the Savior,” Snow said with a voice that was aching to shatter.

“By saving the Evil Queen? Oh thank _God!_ ”

The room lit up once again with disorienting conversation. Snow’s face was growing paler, as if it could get any more. She tried to speak but she couldn’t overcome the chaos of the room. The Fair Queen met the eyes of the Mayor in a plea for help. Not her husband, but Regina. Regina knew how to handle these kind of things, but could the woman who everyone was longing to still hate have enough courage to meet the eyes of the entire town? Besides, didn’t Snow and Charming _want_ to lead a kingdom? Wasn’t this what they had always wanted?

Regina simply stared at her blankly, eyes becoming hollow as she processed how the rest of her days were going to unfold now that the town had a new, perfect reason to hate her.

David took the reins and stood in front of the podium, opening his mouth to calm down the people, but as his words came out nothing was heard. He moved his lips once again, but received the same outcome, his face scrunching up in confusion as he touched his throat.

A manic, dark laughter filled the room like a shroud, wrapping around each and every one to envelope them in fear. Regina felt the essence of dark magic like a taste of delicate red wine on her lips before anyone else could wrap their minds around what was happening.

A puff of dreary, obsidian clouds formed right before the stage, clearing ever so slowly to reveal a pale woman dressed in all black with blackholes where her precious, emerald eyes should have been; her now ghostly white hair was pulled tightly back in a bun.

“I prefer to speak for myself, Mother,” the Dark One stated as she turned on the heel of her leather strapped boots.

“Emma…” was all Snow could mutter as her father scrambled to jump of the stage towards his daughter but was frozen in place just as his foot began to leave the ground.  

“How nice of you,” Emma began to say in a low, seductive voice, “to bring the town together just for me. I’m flattered.” She spun on her heels once more to face the townspeople and greeted them with a wicked grin. “Let me get the ball rolling since my mother seems quite incapable. I suppose she was going to tell you to stand your guard. To watch the shadows for my wicked little presence. That I am no longer myself. Let me reassure you that I have never felt more like myself. Now…to get down to business. I am declaring this town _mine._ All of you will do as I say without question. Without a second of thought. Not that you will be of much use as the lot of you are fairly pathetic.”

The former Evil Queen stood to her feet, “Emma, you can’t just—”

“Oh hush your pretty little lips, Madame Mayor,” the blonde grinned at the crimson that was spreading across the brunette’s face, “You can have your petty office. All I want is control. Think of it like your past partnership with Gold. And for the rest of you, I’m sick and tired of running around saving your pathetic, little asses every two seconds. I’m _done_ being your precious Savior. Things are about to change around here. Mind your own and we will have no quarrel. Stand in my way and I’ll make sure we have a very serious… _chat_.”

She chuckled darkly once again, oddly reminiscent of the former Dark One’s laugh, as she read the fear in everyone’s faces.

“You have no power without the dagger,” Regina stated and felt a surge of anger rippled through Emma like a tidal wave.

“What are you doing, Regina” the blonde questioned and strolled over to her in a swift motion, “Have we swapped roles now? You’re not put out to be the Savior. You don’t have the _heart._ ”

The mayor gulped. Could Emma hear her heart pounding away like a stampeding drum circle?

“Emma, I know you’re in there. We know you’re stronger than the darkness. You have to fight this.”

Pale, skinny fingers reached out and griped Regina’s chin.

“Fight what, _dear_? I feel fine. Incredible, actually. I’ve never felt so alive in my entire life. Now do me a favor and hand over the dagger.”

“You know very well I don’t have it.”

“But you know where it is.” Emma’s black eyes flickered with a swirl of crimson, eerily reminiscent of blood, when she received no answer. “Fine. We’ll play this game. I’ll find it while you go off and play with your boy toy.”

Regina brushed off the remark with a snarl; was Robin even here? She didn’t dare take a chance to look around.

“If you wanted it so badly, why didn’t you take it when you had the chance?”

The blonde narrowed her eyes, an array of emotions from the end of anger to sadness contorted her face. She grabbed her head wincing as she looked off the side, staring at something invisible to the rest of the room. She couldn’t answer. Was there even an answer?

_Emma…I know you’re still in there. I can see it right now!_

That’s when Regina confirmed it. Emma _had_ purposely left the dagger; she was able to fight the darkness long enough to know that the dagger was dangerous in her own hands.

Emma pursed her lips, her face slipping back into the cold. Turning her attention to the entire crowd, she addressed them once more.

“Well, we’re done here it seems. Meeting dismissed or… _oh_ I’m sorry, is that not my call?” she laughed darkly, “But one last thing; if anyone dares mess with the mayor know that your head will be on a pretty little spike on my porch for the world to see. I’ll be dealing with her myself.”

With those last words spoken, she waved her hand elegantly and vanished in a cloud of darkness.

The moment she left the room broke out into the most chaotic noise that was possible. Questions were being asked a million times a second. Fears were voiced without hesitation while others held onto their loved ones.

“Now everyone calm down!” David spoke up, his voice finally back, “We can’t become deterred by this. I believe Emma when she said that if you mind your own there won’t be an issue. Go back to your daily routine, but just remember to stay on guard. We will handle this situation ourselves and bring you all back here once we have an update.”

No one would have ever listened if it were Regina up there, but the town trusted the Charmings. Everyone’s face seemed paler than usual, but as the meeting was called to an end, they filed out just as they had come in. Once the room was cleared, Snow, David, and Regina met in front of the stage.

“Regina,” Snow said with a worried look, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” the older brunette replied with a shaky voice and pretended to dust her jacket off.

“If you want to come stay with us—”

“Absolutely not,” Regina snapped, but saw the hurt in Snow’s eyes and sighed, “I’m sorry, Snow.  I know we’re past all of this feuding… This is all…just so much. Emma making an appearance was the last thing I expected. Henry and I will be fine at the manor. She won’t touch him and if she wants a piece of me…well I’ll deal with it when the time comes. I’ve had to deal with the Dark One for many, many years.”

“But this one is our daughter,” David chimed in, “and you said it yourself that she will probably be stronger than ever.”

“I know. But we have no idea what her intentions are. I promise both of you that I can take care of myself. I’ll continue to do some more reading and when I find something I will let you know immediately.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

The house Emma currently occupied was one that she and Killian had looked at before all hell had broken loose, again. It had been big enough for an entire family, but here she sat in her living room next to an unlit fire alone. The silence was deafening to the Dark One’s ears. Within it contained whispers of voices only she could hear. Distorted voices of her own mixed with all the past Dark One’s wrapped around her mind. It made her cringe when they laughed, the cackle haunting and eerily reminiscent of the last Dark One.

This darkness…with it came power, so much power, but it also was enough to drive her conscience mad. She could feel that within her mind she held all the memories, every ache and pain of each Dark One. She could hear their dark desires, but most of all she could feel every shadow of herself growing stronger, dripping into her heart like a toxic waste. No wonder Rumpelstiltskin seemed a bit crazy. This schizophrenic madness was enough to make even the sanest yell bloody murder.

               Killian. She couldn’t even think of him without being overwhelmed by feelings of anguish and confusion. Now that she was without him in this _new form,_ so to speak, her mind was calculating every step she had taken with the pirate. Much of their relationship had consisted of sharing stories with a bottle of rum and his endless flirtation he had once smothered her in. As much as she wanted to smile and miss him, she felt as if those days were apart of another life. Distant on another shore. She loved him, that much was true, but now that she was without him there wasn’t the ache in her heart that should have been there. It was strange.

It felt as if their entire relationship had been forced. Like a hormonal teenager, she had been clinging onto the fixation of love, the feelings of love. Had it all been fake? No, not all of it. Killian clearly loved her more than his every breath, anyone could see that. But had she truly loved him to the same extent? Had she made herself believe she loved him just so she didn’t feel so god damn alone? There was a pressuring weight on her chest as she remembered feeling so lost about her feelings with the pirate. It felt like it _should_ have been love. They had gone through all the motions, yet Emma couldn’t sweep away a sense of wrongness.

The look she had seen on his pitiful face when he summoned her was so desperate. He had begged and pleaded for her to step away from the Darkness, had even gotten down to his knees confessing his love for her, but instead of reminding the blonde of the love they had, she felt an emotionless void as she stared into his teary eyes. For some reason that desperation made her cringe, made something inside of herself snap. She had said she loved _that_ man? A man who could barely stand on his own two feet, drunk as a skunk before the sun could peak through the curtains? What had she seen in this pirate?

She couldn’t remember exactly what she had done to him, but she knew she lost all senses when he tried to kiss her, thinking that True Love’s kiss could change who she was; the entire event seemed a hazy blur. She didn’t _want_ to be changed. Emma Swan was perfectly content in her new state of power and authority. The thought of all of this intoxicating dark magic just vanishing sent her into a panic and the rest was blacked out. She knew he was okay though. She had visited him secretly during the middle of the night in his hospital room before he was sent home a few days later.

Why hadn’t she grabbed the dagger while she had the chance? How could she have been so stupid? She _knew_ the “Hope Squad”, a term she recently decided to coin for her delusional family, would find him and now they possessed the dagger. Or Henry did at least. He wouldn’t think to control her would he? She dared not think about why she had enchanted, let alone left, the dagger before she fled the scene; she had been very unstable, the Light fighting to get out. It must have gotten through at that point for her to make such a stupid decision. Had she enchanted it in hope that her son would save her? She inwardly scoffed at herself; why would she need to be saved?

               “Henry…” she whispered sadly. He probably thought her a monster now. If he hated the Evil Queen, were there words to describe how he would feel about his mother being the Dark One? How would he see her now? Would he cower in fear? Would he still love her? He tried so hard to not have his adopted Mother become the Evil Queen again; hadn’t even wanted her using magic. Now, Emma was the darkest soul of all.  She could finally understand why that choice to let go of the darkness was so hard for Regina. She understood the alluring, seductive pull of the darkness and now that she was one with it, she couldn’t imagine being without. She felt immortal, unstoppable. And that’s probably because she _was._

               But there was Henry still. Just as Gold had Belle to pull him away from the grip of power, she knew Henry would be that force for her. Regardless of what he thought of her, regardless of what extent he would go to save her, she would protect him from whatever dangers decided to show up in Storybrooke; dangers were always bound to happen and Emma was not one of them. Or at least that’s how she wished to perceive herself. She had watched Henry grow up so much in the little time she had known him. She pictured his bright, unshakable smile and that eased the emptiness inside her soul for just a moment. Thinking of him was like walking through a dark and dreary forest, only to look up and see the sun’s rays peeking in; she cracked a smile on her stoic face.

               But then like always, or at least how it had been since she sacrificed herself, the blackhole inside of her ate away every thought of happiness and left her feeling alone. Needing some sort of background noise, she pointed her fingers and snapped. The hearth lit up in a flash of orange and yellow flames. While before, she would have been wary about setting the house on fire, magic was literally at her fingertips now. There was no worry about whether or not she’d be able to concentrate. This acquired darkness seemed as if it had come with its own downloaded manual and all she had to do was think what she wanted.

               “Feels good, dearie,” a voice in her mind asked with a chuckle, “doesn’t it?”

               The voice formed into an apparition, forming a close resemblance to the previous Dark One, Rumpelstiltskin, and he perched upon the chair across from her. This visual that haunted her nowadays must have been her mind trying to draw a line between _her_ thoughts and the Darkness’s thoughts, but when she thought about it, the imp spoke as if it could read her mind.

               “I _am_ you, dearie, no need to distinguish _that_. I’m the deepest darkest corners of your mind coming to life; all your desires, all your pain.”

               “Go away,” Emma growled in a low tone. She had run into this apparition way too many times already and she wanted to rip him to shreds. She had even tried to set him on fire a few days ago, but that only resulted in green grass going up in smoke and mocking laughter.

               “Not until you fully embrace yourself.”

               “What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

               “You’re new to this, dearie. You may have all the power at your disposal but what will you do with it? That’s where I come in!” he laughed manically, “Just think of me as your unconscious advisor, voicing all the thoughts you could never yourself.”

               Emma groaned, rubbing at her face. Maybe if she pretended he wasn’t there he would go away, but the moment she cracked open an eye he was still there watching her like a psychopath.

               “So you’ve introduced yourself to the town. What’s next on your list, hm?” he asked her, “Should we do a little spying on your parents? You know they’re going to be doing everything in their power to pull you back towards,” he leaned in a whispered, as if the word was taboo, “the _light_.”

               She felt a rage welling inside of her at the thought of her parents. They always did what they thought to be the best, but instead they were trying to shape Emma into something she was not like a piece of clay. They tried to turn clay into marble and got charcoal instead. They had failed in their futile attempt to save her from the Darkness. However, somewhere in that destruction, Emma wanted to thank them. Their bravery to save people had bled into her. It wasn’t her intentions to save Regina from the darkness for _power,_ but power is indeed what she gained from it. This feeling was unlike any other that quenched an ache, a hole inside of her and left her with an addicting, almost lustful buzz. She refused to ponder over why exactly she had saved Regina. She had been Savior; nothing more. And now the Savior was dead; long live the Dark Swan.

               As she sat there, thoughts brewing, a strange sensation jolted across her skin. The image of the former mayor scurried across her brain, but not in ways they had done before and she froze. Something was _wrong_ , but she couldn’t explain how she knew that.

              

               The door to Granny’s diner rung as Regina departed, carrying with her a brown paper bag. It wasn’t like her to order dinner, but she had no intentions of cooking tonight. She had suffered an awfully long day with Snow trying to figure out what to do about Emma causing possible threats to the town. Finally, they agreed on the most obvious option, what Regina suggested before the entire argument; there shouldn’t be any raise for concern until something actually happens. It had been a good four days and nothing crazy for Storybrooke had happened yet.

               She turned the corner and began to walk down the street towards Mifflin Street. She had chosen to walk today as a way to clear her head. Besides, it was only a fifteen minute walk with her pace of clicking heels.

               “What made you so worthy to save?” a voice from behind her called and she gasped out of surprise. Turning around, she came face to face with Grumpy.

               “I’m sorry?” Regina asks, feigning ignorance.

               “Emma’s gone because of you,” said another voice and she turned back around to find that she was surrounded by three other people she had seen around town. These must have been the ones not particular about the former Evil Queen.

               Panic spread like wildfire through Regina’s limbs. Her grip on the paper bag tightened, but she didn’t move. There was nowhere to move. She had magic, so why was she panicking? Something reflected the light of the setting sun and she focused in on a switch blade that was in front of her.

               Before the brunette could even breathe a word, a newcomer cut in with a dark and menacing growl in their throat.

               “What the hell is this?” Every head snapped towards the black leathered presence of the Dark One, faces going white with terror. Regina’s eyes met Emma’s from across the gap and she noticed that they weren’t a gaping void of black.  Those green emeralds were there, but they seemed haunted. “I’ve got an idea. I’ll start counting and the last person here on three gets to chat with me.”

               She grinned with darkened red lips and waved her hand in front of them displaying a sinister light show of fire. The entire group of wanna-be-gang members dispersed as quickly as they had come.

               It quickly became just Emma and Regina in the quiet street. It could have so easily been like any other day of Emma riding in on her white horse to save her, but this time there was no horse. There was no shining armor. This time there was this almost unrecognizable woman standing in front of her. Her hair was so white it had lost its glow from the sun. That ugly red jacket she swore to hate was replaced by a long trench coat; while she found this new look to be more appealing than she would admit, she missed the red leather.

               “…thank you,” the brunette said softly, not knowing what else to say. In the best should would have made a remark about being able to take care of herself, but the need wasn’t there.

“You’re afraid of me,” Emma observed, almost sadly, with a tilt to her head. She walked forward until they were face to face; their comfort zone with each other had not changed, it seemed, as Regina swore she could feel the blonde’s breath on her cheek.

“Of you? Hardly.”

However, with that admission, the haunting words of Emma’s from their last encounter echoed through her mind.

“ _If anyone dares mess with the mayor know that your head will be on a pretty little spike on my porch for the world to see. I’ll be dealing with her myself.”_

Being _afraid_ seemed a bit far for Regina. She was definitely nervous, she’d admit to that to herself, but afraid? Would Emma _actually_ hurt her? After all this time, she would have previously said no, never, but as she stared at the younger woman she realized she felt as if it were day one all over again. She had no idea who this woman was. She had no idea if she planned to snatch Henry away from her again and _that_ terrified her. She couldn’t bear to lose him, again.

Seeing that Emma had raised an eyebrow, she waited to the reprimand. 

“You forget I still have my superpower,” as she spoke, she saw a flash of the woman’s original essence, a shadow of a smile Regina had come to welcome, but it disappeared quickly, “I have no intentions of hurting you.”

“Then what _are_ your intentions? Were you following me?”

Emma chuckled to herself and shook her head.

“ _Following_ you? Why would I do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Miss Swan. You did seem like you had an agenda at the town meeting.”

“Oh, so we’re back to Miss Swan, now? I thought we were past that.”

It was amusing to see what Emma focused on in that remark. In the back of her head, she could feel the warmth of long gone days; days where she and Regina could actually call themselves _friends_. They had gotten maybe even as close as best friends, but neither one of them would have ever admitted to it. Seeing the brunette here made Emma realize how much she did miss the former mayor’s company.

“Okay then, _Emma_ ,” she drew out her name and she swore she saw a familiar face again.

“You should have a drink with me.”

Raising her brows high, Regina was taken aback by this seemingly random invitation.

“I-I have to get home; I’m bringing Henry dinner.”

A brown paper bag rose into Emma’s view. The blonde was well aware that this wasn’t common for the brunette as she always preferred a home cooked meal. That’s when she noticed the dark bags underneath the older woman’s eyes; makeup could conceal only so much.

“You’re walking home?”

Was that concern in Emma’s voice?

“Yes, I needed the fresh air.”

“You could get hurt out here; it’s almost dark.”

“Emma, I’m a grown woman. I think I can— what are you doing?”

Pale fingers reached out and wrapped around the brunette’s wrist and before she had time to object, they were engulfed by a cloud of dark smoke. When the magic faded, Regina instantly recognized her surroundings. They were in the kitchen of the Mill’s Manor.

Upon their arrival, they caught a very surprised Henry rummaging through the pantry, his stomach growling.

“Mom!” she shouted out in surprise and box of cookies in his hands when he saw the other woman standing next to her, “Mum? Is it really you?”

Expecting to be berated, the Dark One braced herself but let out a gasp when her son threw his arms around her tightly.

“You’re back. Are you…hurt?”

He took a step back, his mother’s arms still on his shoulders, and took in how vastly different she seemed. Emma took the moment to scan her son’s face; there was a shadow of fear in his eyes, but what kept them illuminated was his hope and bravery that had long been a trait of the family. He knew that even though his mother was different she was still his mother, somewhere underneath all of that _black_.  After all, she had trusted him with the dagger.

“No, no I’m fine, Henry. Are _you_ okay?”

He nodded and gave a shy smile as his stomach gurgled.

“Just hungry.”

“I’m so sorry, Henry,” Regina spoke up and held out the bag she had been absentmindedly holding for what seemed like forever now, “I picked up something from the diner, I hope you don’t mind.” She turned towards the blonde and gave her a smile. “Thank you for your help, Emma.”

That was meant to be a dismissal, but the Dark One wasn’t having it. She had been so alone and now that she was around them she didn’t want to leave. There was a sense of peace; she realized there had been no voices, no taunts from her shadow imp, ever since she left her own house.

 An idea raced through her mind and she flicked her wrist; the paper bag vanished from Regina’s fingers, with a surprised gasp, and found itself on the counter. Regina opened her mouth to demand an explanation, but her mouth just hung in shock when Emma did another trick towards the dining room table. On it appeared three plates with an exceptional looking meal.

“Miss Sw- Emma! What do you think you’re doing?” the brunette exclaimed, trying to hide her mouth watering appetite with a show of frustration.

“Is that steak?” Henry asked excitedly as his parents did what they did best and bickered.

“I’m having dinner with my family.”

 _Family._ It made both women avert their gazes to elsewhere in the room.

Their teenage son made no fuss as he approached the dining room. Emma crossed her arms and stared at the older woman, waiting for her to make a move.

“I promise I didn’t poison it,” Emma teased.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Regina mumbled, feeling rather flustered by the sudden change of events.

Eventually they all sat down at the table. As nice as this occasion could have been, it was plagued by an awkward silence. No one knew what the right words were to say. Henry hadn’t even said a word about his blonde mother using magic. Why was he so okay with it now? Or was that just a sign of him becoming a teenager and hiding his feelings?

“Mom?” both women looked up and when Emma saw he was looking at her, he continued, “What happened to you?” Well _that’s_ a way to break the ice. “Mom told me you sacrificed yourself.”

Emma’s eyes met the brunette’s from across the table, but it was quickly broken as the Dark One looked away hastily as if inflicted by an ache. She pursed her lips and searched for the words to say.

“I became the Dark One; isn’t that obvious?”

“Yea but…but what does that mean?”

“I’m still your mother, Henry and I love you with all of my heart. Nothing is going to change that.”

Was that what he was asking? She had no idea how to describe the darkness to her son, or better yet, she didn’t want to. He didn’t need to know that when the darkness took her over, it felt as if she was suffocating. Her soul shattered into millions of pieces and was glued back together by this ancient magic that gave her this insatiable desire to show the world what she was made of. She couldn’t tell him this because then he might actually see her as a monster, but she wasn’t. No matter what, she was still his mother.

“It doesn’t matter what happened to me. I’m still me, just…with a little extra.”

From across the table, she could feel the brunette analyzing her. She knew that Emma was calculating each and every word that left her mouth, making sure she didn’t push her son away. Regina knew all too well about that threat.

“Now,” Emma stood up and began collecting the empty plates as if this was a normal routine, “Henry, why don’t you put these in the dishwasher and go enjoy your video games.”

Knowing that Emma wanted to be alone with Regina, he did as he was told, but didn’t hesitate to watch the blonde from the corner of his eye as he exited the room. He wanted to trust her, but there was still a hint of fear that she would do something sinister. But they were family, right? Emma wouldn’t hurt her family; especially when Emma knew that Henry would never forgive her.

“Thank you, again,” Regina spoke up when Henry disappeared, “Emma, what are you doing here?”

“Is it not obvious? I wanted to spend time with my son and his mother.”

Emma sauntered through the house, towards the drawing room, and Regina followed behind. In previous days, the brunette would have scolded the other woman for acting like she owned the place.

“Yes, but…”

“But what?” Emma turned around swiftly to face the brunette. The sudden proximity and tone of the blonde’s voice sent a shiver down Regina’s spine.

“You’re still here. Shouldn’t you be…I don’t know, checking up on your boyfriend?”

The blonde’s nostrils flared and Regina quickly regretted bringing up the pirate. She had no idea what was going on between those two, but from the looks of it, Emma hadn’t spoken to the man since the accident.

“I don’t want to talk about Killian.”

Stubborn as always. Regina sighed and followed the woman into the room.

“So then what do you want to talk about?”

Emma ignored the question and waved her hand over the coffee table making two glasses and a bottle of red wine appear.

“What I want is your company, Regina,” the blonde admitted more honest than she thought she could be right now, “Will you have a drink with me, now?”

Nodding, Regina took a seat next to the blonde on the couch and watched her with intrigue as the crimson poured into the glass. She took a breath of bravery in and asked Emma a question that had been burning through her brain since dinner.

“You’re lonely, aren’t you?”

“Is it obvious?”

Emma didn’t look her way; instead she took a rather large gulp of her wine.

“I know what it’s like being looked at as evil.”

“So now you understand why I wanted your company? We understand each other,” when their eyes finally met, haunted green eyes seemed to plead with her, begging her to strip away the loneliness in her soul, “We’ve felt the rejection. You know what it’s like to be consumed by this… _power_.”

Holding out her palm, she conjured a fireball and chuckled as she did so, seeing momentary panic in her company’s gaze. Instead of extinguishing it, she threw it at the fireplace causing it to roar with sudden heat.

“I remember those days,” the mayor admitted, sipping her wine, “Knowing that everyone around you was at your beck and call. Knowing you could have whatever it is you wanted.”

“So why did you give it up?”

The brunette gave her a quizzical look.

“You know why. I couldn’t lose Henry. And I almost did until you... until you took on the darkness yourself.”

She looked down quickly to avoid the anguish that was surely engulfing her face. She couldn’t get the image out of her head of Emma coming towards her and ripping the darkness away. She remembered the look of sadness.

“Why did you do it, Emma?” this time she looked directly at her, her eyes becoming glossy, “I’ve gone over it a hundred times and I still can’t understand why you would throw away everything to save _me_.”

Regina had never been one to show her emotions, but there had always been this strange, relieving connection between them that allowed her to let it peak through the cracks of her armor. All the sadness she had been feeling since Emma disappeared came back; she tried to stop it, but a tear ran down her cheek.

“Regina, I made you a promise that you would get your happy ending,” she scrunched up her face as she battled the thoughts; there was so much more to admit to the brunette but she hadn’t even admitted it to herself. Today was not the day to come clean, so she came up with the best, most obvious excuse she could, “I couldn’t let Henry lose you. He had already seen enough of the Evil Queen and I knew that the darkness would be too powerful for you to fight. I may be Henry’s birthmother, but you raised him. Once a mother, always a mother regardless of blood. So in a way, that connects us, Regina. It’s my duty to protect Henry and by default it’s also my job to protect you.”

Her words weren’t a lie at all, but they definitely weren’t the full truth. If Regina could see through, she didn’t acknowledge it. Emma felt more content at this moment in time than she had ever felt. Rumpelstiltskin, or his apparition, was nowhere to be found; it was a curious thought, but Emma didn’t bring it up. What would happen once she left this place?

“You will forever astound me,” Regina replied after a long pause.


	7. Chapter 7

An entire fortnight had gone by peacefully. Too peacefully. It’s that suspicion that stirs within when a mother realizes her child is being awfully quiet; perhaps, too quiet. It usually means they’re up to no good; planning something malicious and the mother is waiting not so patiently for a vase to shatter into a million pieces.

               And of course, it finally happened. Apparently, something had been off in town for a good while, but the incidents had been so minute that it went unchecked.

               David, who was now the sheriff now due to Emma refusing to defend the town any longer, had gotten a frantic call early morning from one of the locals, Mrs. Dowers, that her husband wouldn’t respond to her. Afraid he might have had a heart attack or something of the sorts, an ambulance was dispatched immediately.

               It wasn’t until later that Doctor Whale confirmed that Mr. Dowers was in a coma, but what induced it was unknown. Nothing was coming back from the lab tests. In fact, he was healthier than many at his age. Even though he was checked out of this reality, his brain seemed to be fine. David had searched for break-ins or any signs of struggle back at their house, but came up empty handed.

               A few days later a very similar incident happened except this time one of the dwarves had been found face down on the sidewalk. Of all the dwarves, it was Grumpy. Everyone’s first thought was that he must have been drunk and tripped during the night, but when the results came back it appeared the man had very little alcohol in his system which was surprising in itself. He was unconscious too like Mr. Dowers and was showing the same healthy signs of brain activity minus being conscious.

               “A sleeping curse?” Snow asked, all too familiar with them.

               “No, I checked both of their auras and I don’t think that was it. It has the taste of darkness and although it seems like their healthy, it felt like something was missing…like something came in and drained an essence out of them and that’s what is keeping them asleep.”

               “Do you know what it could be?” the school teacher inquired.

               “I’ll have to do some searching in my books. I feel like I’ve read about something of this nature happening in the past.”

               “You know there’s only one explanation for this,” David said with a sigh.

               When things went haywire in town it was always either Regina or Gold to play the scapegoat. Now that Regina was on their side she was relinquished of all accusations. Did that mean Gold was up to something? They assumed that wasn’t the case as Snow had spoken to Belle earlier about his condition. He was awake; that much was a relief to the heartbroken woman, but he was surely in no condition to be causing trouble. Without his powers of the Dark One he was simply a weak, frail man trying to recover from all the karma that had been dumped on him.

               “Do you really think she could be involved in this?” Snow asked her husband with a sad, worried look.

               “I don’t want to think about it,” he admitted with a weakness in his voice, for this was their daughter they were talking about after all, “but she _is_ the Dark One now. No one has seen but glimpses of her around town. She won’t speak to anyone, not even me.”

               “You’ve tried?” Regina chimed in. She had been watching the Charming’s discuss their thoughts for the last twenty minutes, her head switching views between them like a tennis match. She hadn’t told them about her encounter with Emma and the dinner they shared. She especially didn’t tell them how Emma went out of her way to have Regina’s company; that night felt special in a way and the brunette wanted to do everything in her power to keep the memory that way. The words spoken between them that night were just a memory now, but she clung onto them. Even in her denial of the strange feelings stirring inside of her, she could at least admit that she had been kept anxiously awake at night, wondering if the woman was suffering in her solitude. She hadn’t seen Emma since that night. She had practically disappeared, once again, from everyone like an antisocial introvert. 

               “The last time I spoke with her was when she threw this,” he pointed towards the gold star on his shirt, “at me. She wouldn’t even look at me! She was just so _mad._ I tried to get her to talk to me, but she disappeared.”

               Emma was always good at fleeing from unwanted situations, especially if they required any sort of connection to her feelings. And with her parents there were _plenty_ of feelings.

               “I’m sure she has a lot to be mad about,” Regina told him and received a quizzical look from the two idiots, “I don’t mean to step on your toes, but Emma probably has a lot of negativity concerning both of you. Don’t take it personally, but you did _abandon_ her, attempted to murder an innocent child to secure her destiny _._ I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. I know how that darkness makes you think. It will swallow any good memories and replace them with a debauched truth.”

               It was evident she hit a nerve between them, but Regina didn’t care. She had lost the ability to care about their feelings long ago. They needed a person like Regina in their life to remind them that everyone wasn’t always bright and shining.

               “Where are you going?” Snow asked the older brunette as she rose from the couch.

               “To find Emma and talk to her.”

               The Charming’s watched in uncertainty as she reached for her jacket hanging on the wall.

               “Is that such a good idea?” the Fair Queen asked with warning in her voice.

               “Well someone needs to,” Regina retorted, “Don’t worry about me. I told you before that I can handle myself. Even _if_ she is behind these strange events, I don’t believe she’ll hurt me.”

               She saw the look in their eyes. How was she so sure? If Emma had anyone to hate, shouldn’t it have been the former Evil Queen? She had been the cause of all of this strife if you went far enough into the past.

               “Alright, fine,” Snow dejectedly sighed, “In the meantime, I’ll go talk to the Blue Fairies and see if they can offer us any help on the situation.”

 

* * *

 

               Regina felt her stomach churn as her fist connected with the wooden door. The unfamiliarity of the place didn’t help but add an even more emotions to the situation. Even though she knew intrinsically that Emma wasn’t the culprit, fear still hung in the air. What if Emma had played her for a fool? What if the blonde she saw that night was just a trick to gain her trust? Regina had suffered countless reminders in the past of the Dark One’s deceit; Rumpelstiltskin had been a mastermind twisting reality to his needs. Emma was clever, something Regina feigned ignorance to for a long time; she had a lot of street smarts from the life she had been handed and now she had all the powers that Rumpelstiltskin once reigned with. It was a deadly combination.

               A conflicted gasp left red painted lips when the door opened. Emma stood before her not having changed much in appearance; it was then that Regina realized how much she loathed the tight bun her blonde hair now fashioned these days. It wasn’t right; it wasn’t _Emma._ It’s as if her hatred had transfered from that awful red leather to this uptight hairstyle. She actually missed the red jacket she swore she would burn. The Dark One’s face was stoic, but her ghostly green eyes still reflected internal torment. It wasn’t something anyone ordinary would have noticed, but the fallen Evil Queen knew that look all too well.

               “Regina,” Emma spoke flatly, as if unsurprised to see her on her doorstep, “Are you here on behalf of my father to take me into custody?”

               This surprised the brunette and she narrowed her eyes.

               “Into custody?”

               “You’re not here to accuse me of foul play going on in this town?”

               “No…I…,” Regina stuttered, “I mean, I’m hear _about_ that, but not to accuse you. Can I…can I come in?”

               It was frustrating to the brunette that her social skills seemed unable to aid her. Why was she stumbling with her words so much?

               “I suppose,” the blonde said and moved to the side, her arm making a regal motion of invitation inside.

               As soon as she entered she saw stairs that led up to a balcony and wondered how many bedrooms there were. Regina had never stepped foot in this house before. She knew that Emma had been getting tired of living with her parents. It was a wonder, to Regina, how she survived so long with those two idiots. Was this a home that Emma had looked at purchasing with Killian? It was odd for Emma to want all this space by herself; it’s not like the mighty savior had come in with a truckload when she moved to Storybrooke.

It wasn’t as big as Regina’s, but it felt _empty_. Very similar to the emptiness in her own home when Henry was taken away from her. And why was it so cold? Regret filled her for leaving her jacket in the car and she wrapped her arms around herself.

_No wonder you feel so lonely, dear._

               Emma didn’t lead her anywhere, so it seemed this discussion would be taking place in the foyer. Her posture was rigid, yet she emanated a dominance equivalent of Regina back when they had first met one another.

               “I’ve known about it for some time,” the blonde declared, shattering the silence between them, “I felt its energy the moment it was unleashed. It has the residual essence of a dark ritual.”

               Had Regina felt it as well but been too absorbed in herself to notice?

               “And you didn’t think to alert anyone about it?”

               “I didn’t think it was a threat. To me at least,” she shrugged, “Besides, the town’s wellbeing isn’t my priority anymore. That’s my father’s ordeal now.”

               The coldness in which she spoke sent chilling daggers towards Regina. She had once been this way too. She understood that she wasn’t seeing the Emma she once knew, but a new form; a bitterly damaged and broken version hiding behind walls so high and thick.

It was like an old asian tradition of ceramic repair called kintsugi; when a glass object broke, it would then be repaired by gluing the pieces back together with gold. In this instance it was Emma who had been shattered into a million pieces, but it wasn’t gold that made her whole again. In its place was darkness. The cracks were still very visible, but they made her strong. And if Regina had to admit to herself, it made her powerfully beautiful.

This was why dark magic was so illusively dangerous. It would break you, shatter your soul, but it could also make you strong in ways unimaginable. Regina remembered those days; she had reveled in the chaos of watching thousands be slaughtered in her name.

               “So you had nothing to do with it?” the brunette asked.

               Emma frowned, staring at her nails with disinterest, “Ah, you _are_ here to accuse me.”

               “ _No._ I’m here because I’m asking for your help. You know most people are going to be pointing fingers at _you_.”

               “And why is that? I’m suddenly the villain now?”

               A frustrated huff fell from the brunette’s lips.

               “Is it not obvious? Everyone fears you. You presented yourself as the antagonist the moment you chose to appear in front of everyone and declare this town _yours_. You’re just feigning arrogance and you know it. I _know_ how it feels to be feared. It puts you in control,” she grinned, knowing her words were ringing true as she stared down the blonde, “Look Emma, I _know_ you’re not the villain here, but it doesn’t matter what I think when I’m outnumbered by everyone else.”

               Regina couldn’t read the emotions splaying across the blonde’s face, but she knew they were conflicting. There had never been a more desperate moment between them. Regina had needed to expose the giant elephant in the room, but she needed Emma to understand that Regina was on her side.

“If you knew the thoughts in my mind you wouldn’t so kindly extend your hand to me, your Majesty. But you’re absolutely right; I like this feeling of being feared. _I’m_ the reason those people cornered you because you’re associated with me. They blame you. But it’s not your fault. I chose to save you and I have no regrets. I’ve never felt so empowered than when I watched them run from me. But you know what was so hard about that day?” she took a step closer to the brunette, “it took everything I had not to cut them all down where they stood. I wanted to pick them off one by one as they fled from me, rip their skulls from their spine, watch them bleed.

“You want to know why I refuse to help this town? Why I refuse to go back to my daily life as sheriff? Because all I want to do is _destroy_ everything in my path. I’ve been laying my life on the line for these people for damned too long! And you know what? I’m _tired_. I’m _so_ tired of caring. I just hate _everything_.”

“But you don’t hate me.”

“What?”

“I would think that after everything you’ve gone through, you’d blame me. I was the one who cursed this town. In the end, I am the reason you’re here.”

               “It would be logical to hate you, wouldn’t it? But it’s just not there. Maybe it’s because I spent so much time hating you in the beginning,” The words stung like a ghostly wound. Regina remembered the hatred she too had for the other woman, “It wasn’t you who sent me away in some magical tree declaring that my destiny would be to be filtered through the system, battered and bruised, just so I could one day become everyone’s savior. Everyone here is so _weak_. They rely on the backbones of others but you…”

               The blonde trailed off and took another step in the older woman’s direction, the space between them growing deathly small. Regina wanted to speak, but was too hung up on the woman’s close proximity. That’s when a scent of familiarity hit her. Emma seemed almost like a stranger to Regina, but there was one thing that hadn’t changed. Her scent. It’s not like she had ever purposely _smelled_ the woman, but she recognized it the moment Emma got close to her. It was silly, but it gave her some sense of hope that this Emma was still the Emma that was before.

               “You’re not weak at all,” the blonde whispered so softly that it was almost missed, “I know you’re just like me, Regina. I know you want the power back. I know you _miss_ it.” The brunette remained quiet, breaking their gaze, which elicited an annoyed sneer from the blonde. “Is it not true?”

               “…I do miss it at times,” Regina admitted, regretfully, watching Emma grin from the corner of her eyes. What was she getting at? This is not what she came here for. “But it’s wrong. It’s wrong to wish for a past where I made everyone else miserable. You know what I did. You may not have been there to see me but I did treacherous things. That’s where we’re different, Emma.”

               The smile on the blonde’s face faded.

               “We’re not the same,” Regina continued, “You’re so much stronger than I ever was. You may have this itch to desecrate all you see, but you haven’t. You’ve kept control.”

               “And you told me when we were in New York that you were on the fence of light and dark, so do you really want to try and argue this?”

               Shaking her head, Regina finally mustered up the strength to meet the penetrating orbs. Why was this woman so ungodly frustrating? There’s another thing that hadn’t changed between them.

               “Emma, this is not what I came here for. Can we get back to the matter?”

               “I told you I’m _not_ helping.”

               “And what about our son? Aren’t you worried about him?”

               “No, actually I’m not. I’ve already made sure it won’t come after Henry.”

               Emma shot her a look as if hurt. Henry would always be her first concern.

               “You’ve already done something about it?”

               “ _No_ , I’ve merely read the magic. Do you really have no idea what you’re dealing with?” the blonde laughed, “You really need to stop slacking, Regina. How can I trust you to take care of our son if you can’t even decipher a simple trail of a spectre?”

               _Trust_. Hearing the admittance of trust would have had more of an impact on the brunette if Emma hadn’t just declared she knew what was causing the issues in town.

               “A spectre? You’ve known this entire time and you haven’t spoken up?”

               “And give you a reason to accuse me of summoning it?”

Regina growled and took a step back, irritated with the situation at hand. A voice in her mind wanted to make her believe Emma was the cause, yet her intuition told her otherwise. As it was clear that the Dark One wouldn’t be offering any aid, she assumed she had gotten enough information from her trip here.

She approached the door, but stopped dead in her tracks when Emma spoke up.

               “I’ll help you get rid of it in exchange for my dagger.”

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Green eyes watched pensively from afar as the brunette clicked down the sidewalk in her pumps. She wasn’t stalking Regina. No, that would be creepy. With the knowledge of angry Evil Queen protesters still existing – which was absolutely ridiculous after all that woman had done – and a spectre on the loose, she couldn’t help but feel the need to make sure she was alright. Regina was a grown woman and a powerful witch, but Emma wanted to savor this alibi for as long as she possibly could. She shook her head before her brain could break down and analyze what was she was doing here.

               Denying every crazy thought that entered her head, Emma continued to shadow the older woman, who was now reaching into her pocket to answer her phone. Alas, the distant between them was too much for snooping. Sure, she could have found some magical way to listen in, but she had enough morals left to not go that far. Besides, it wasn’t her intention to snoop.

Emma thought about the day prior. The refusal of the dagger in exchange for the removal of the spectre enraged Emma. Sure, it may have been ballsy move in the first place to strike up such a deal, but Emma had to try. Sadly, the Dark One’s persuasiveness had not been enough to convince the older woman. Regina had replied bitterly that she’d deal with it herself.

Is that what she was doing now? Was Regina on the phone investigating ways to rid the town of their new monster of the week? Maybe it wasn’t wise to wonder so much about the brunette. That was dangerous territory. In fact, Emma should have been looking for the dagger. She should have been spending her time more wisely.

 _Should_.

Should is a pointless word.

Because here she was.

As if it were clockwork, Regina ended the call and Robin appeared on the other side of the street, waving towards the older woman. Eyeing the woman all too closely, Emma noticed the strained smile that Regina adopted as the man jogged across the street towards her. They embraced, but a keen eye would say it was more on terms of friends rather than lovers and Emma had just that eye this evening. Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, the blonde wondered what the dynamic was between those two. Was it really any of her business? It shouldn’t have been, but there was that word again. Emma skulked in place as the pair ahead of her made their way towards the diner not too far up the street.

A frustrated sigh left the blonde’s lips as she forced herself to look away. Why was Regina causing her mind to short-circuit these days?

“You aren’t much of the escape artist when it comes to your desires, dearie,” the imp of her subconscious chimed in on cue and she groaned audibly.

She just had to ignore him. Out of sight out of mind. But that’s kind of a mind fuck when technically the sight of him was just an illusion of her mind.

“The longer you ignore me, the more insufferable I’m going to become,” the impish voice giggled manically and caused her to clench her jaw, “If you want her, go and take her.”

Her breath hitched at the words as if she had just been smacked in the face and she squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t into women. Sure, she had slept with a girl back when she was younger, but she had been drunk as hell and she never thought much of it. She especially hadn’t thought of Regina like that. Okay, maybe that was a lie. But the brunette was a very attractive woman. Anyone could tell you that; there were even many who loathed her who would probably admit to fantasizing about the Evil Queen at least once in their lives. That was enough justification for Emma to release her torturous guilt.

               “What do you _want?_ ” Emma spat under her breath.

“The question should be what do _you_ want. You’re the _Dark One_ , Emma. You can have anything you want. It’s just as easy as plucking an apple from a tree. But you don’t want to wait before it’s too late; everything sweet tends to rot with time.”

Finding a pole to lean against, Emma braced herself as a migraine nearly impaled her into oblivion. Being the most powering being in the land, one would think a flick of the wrist would ease her pain, but nothing seemed to rid her of these mind-numbing headaches.  

“Seize your power and you can be in full control, Emma. Give in to what you want. _Take_ what you want. You’ve lived a life full of broken promises and an endless cycle of giving everything you have, but what have you gained in return?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not right.”

               Emma was unaware of the new arrival who had perhaps the same amount of stealth as she.

               “Mom? Who are you talking to?”

               The sound of Henry’s voice shattered the annoyances of her mind and she opened her mouth to speak only to find herself stumbling and mumbling undecodable words.

               “Hi, Henry, dear. Uh, no one.”

               Her son raised an eyebrow at the term of endearment that usually only came from his other mother. Henry thought his mom a bit strange these days, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Emma Swan was the Dark One and as long as she wasn’t going around cutting off people’s heads he was going to assume that things were okay. As okay as things could be when there was something called a spectre on the loose, but hell, this was Storybrooke. It was just another typical chapter in their tale.

“What are you doing?” Henry asked her as nonchalantly as he could and glances around the area for any clues. Sadly for him, Regina and Robin had entered into the diner by now. The only thing around them was the swirling leaves that blew by in the wind.

“I’m just taking a walk,” Emma lied through her teeth and grimaced. A little white lie was okay. It was half true, anyways.

“A lot on your mind?”

She watched from her peripheral as he shoved his hands into his jean pockets trying to act like any other apathetic teenage boy.

“A lot things these days.”

“Anything exciting?”

“If only you knew, kid,” Emma let out a genuine laugh and their eyes met.

 “What does it feel like?”

She couldn’t look away from his gaze and she knew she had to answer him. How did he see her now? Emma had been so aloof lately, but she tried to tell herself it was for the best. As much as she loved Henry, she knew she had the capacity to hurt him deeply and that love is exactly why she has chosen to keep her distance. She didn’t trust herself these days.

“It’s confusing,” Emma admitted honestly, “There is a battle of who I am constantly raging on. The voices...” she stops, aware that she was saying more than she wanted her son to know.

“Voices?” Henry looked at her with concern, “Is that why you seem so distracted all the time?”

Emma looked away guiltily.

“Who are they?”

“It’s just my subconscious. My thoughts have taken a mind of their own.”

               “But…you’re okay?”

               “Oh, I’m peachy.”

               Henry scrunched up his nose.

               “You never say peachy.”

               Chuckling at her son’s insight, she wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him against her.

               “Why don’t we continue this walk,” she said to him, “and you tell me what you’ve been doing these days?”

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Regina’s vault was the most logical place to discuss her recent findings with the group. Retrieving a book from the bookshelf, she opened up its contents and placed it on the table. On the old, discolored page was a sketch of a featureless wispy, black figure with sinister talons for fingers.

“Why would someone summon an entity from the Netherworld?” Snow asked with a grimace, her eyes glued to the shadowy figure on the page. The image alone was enough to give the Fair Queen the creeps.

“Pure selfishness,” Regina replied and put a finger to the passage that followed below the spectre sketch, “This entity is made of pure nether energy, basically the opposite of what gives the soul life. Its victims tend to be the weak and mentally compromised. It uses its talons to suck the lifeforce out of a person’s soul and in turn transfer that energy to the summoner.”

“So how do we stop it then?” David asked.

“We find its master. A spectre has no means of sustaining itself in the physical plane which means that overtime it should become weaker before it ultimately returns to the Nether. I don’t know the exact ritual for summoning a spectre, but I do know that anything concerning the Netherworld is very dangerous and comes with consequences.”

They all stood there for a silent moment shifting their weight and twiddling their fingers. How would they find the perpetrator?

  “I don’t understand,” Snow admitted with a sigh; if it wasn’t one issue in this town, it was another. Would they ever get a break? “If it’s not Emma, who else would need such power?”

“Remember, this town is bigger than you think. Someone could be using the new Dark One’s mass hysteria as a way to hide and steer clear of attention. 

“You don’t think Killian has anything—”

Regina’s preposterous laughter cut the raven-haired woman off.

“That brainless pirate can hardly pronounce his own name these days without slurring.”

There was no use in arguing there. She was right. Whenever Killian made an appearance in town he was always seen with his silver flask up to his lips. She had made it a goal to steer clear of his drunken slurs.

“He is a mess…” Snow said sadly and turned to her husband, “We should really try and talk to him.”

“He’s a grown ass man,” Regina snapped in irritation.

Taking a few metaphorical steps back, Snow and David switched gears and brought the conversation back to the spectre. Who on Earth summoned it? What was their purpose? Zelena was a highly unlikely suspect since it would have been mad for her to dabble with the Netherworld with a baby on board. Just in case though, Regina said she would pay her sister a visit when she got the chance. Gold had only recently woken from his coma and he was powerless now. In fact, his condition was so bad that he was still bedridden despite his consciousness.

“And you’re positive Emma has no hand in this?” David asked, “She doesn’t possess the dagger so perhaps—”

“Emma  _ isn’t _ lying to me,” Regina said all too quickly and defensively, “I know her.”

“You  _ knew _ her, Regina,” Snow argued, “She’s the Dark One now. We all can see that she’s changed. She’s refused to help and—”

Regina sneered with intentions to give the woman a piece of her mind, but the cellphone in David’s jacket went off. He took a step off to the side before answering.

“I have to go,” David said and quickly planted a kiss on Snow’s cheek, “That was Robin. He says there been another incident.”

“We  _ have _ to put a stop to this!” Snow exclaimed in horror, putting a hand to her heart, as she watched her husband rush out of the vault. When it was just the two of them in the vault, the raven-haired woman directed her attention back to the mayor.

“…Regina.”

There was a swirl of emotions raging across the older woman’s face. Anger. Worry. Confusion. Snow didn’t have anymore hard feelings towards her once sworn enemy and she wanted to do everything she could to make this woman feel better. But that’s what they all needed. They all needed comfort. Snow and David had lost their daughter, Killian lost the love of his life, and Regina? Well, she lost her best friend.

Snow had always thought Regina and her daughter’s dynamism peculiar. They seemed to feed off one another. Back in the day they fueled each other’s hatred, bouncing off each other like bullets and grenades. That slowly transitioned into support for one another and it had become clear that they were stronger by each other’s side. They stood up for one another time after time and Snow couldn’t help but analyze their development. They would always use Henry as an excuse, but the way they looked at each other...

Was Snow the only one who saw it? She never dared speak of it to David, for she feared he would be bewildered. The protectiveness. Was there something more than friendship there? Snow didn’t want to think of it, but she couldn’t help it. The parallels to her and Charming’s development were uncanny.

As if Regina could sense the very words that went through the other woman’s mind, she became flustered, all other emotions falling away. Shutting the book, it seemed to echo through the vault in the awkward silence. She placed the book back on the shelf and shimmied on her jacket.

“Let me get home,” she ran a hand over her jacket to thin down a wrinkle, “Henry should be home from school soon.”

* * *

 

Regina hated that she had to fear for Henry’s wellbeing. She told him all she could because as much as she wanted to believe it, he wasn’t a child anymore. He was a smart, brave boy; a teenager now which silently broke her heart. Between both of his mother’s and grandparents he would be protected at all costs, but she still couldn’t help but worry.

Henry had long disappeared to his bedroom to play those godawful video games that she swore would rot his brains, but he was happy. His grades were high as ever and he had friends, even if some of them were from faraway places he’d never seen. How people could know someone without ever meeting them was  a wonder to her.

_ Kids these days,  _ she mused to herself as she heard her son shout in frustration from above. Thankfully he was mindful enough to use headphones and quiet down once the night turned late, but no matter how quiet he was she always knew when he was still up at two in the morning as the lights of the television flickered under the door. If she actually wanted to, she could lean in to hear the frantic clicking of buttons.

When a knock came from the front door it was no surprise. Robin had texted her half an hour ago about stopping by to give her the details on what had happened earlier. They had been on friendly, talking terms, but there hadn’t been a stitch of romance save for a kiss on the cheek.

“Hello, dear,” she said when he stood in front of her. Stepping to the side to allow him in, he kissed her on the cheek before, shoving his thumbs into his jean pockets.

“It’s getting worse,” Robin told her with deep apprehension, “This victim was paler than usual. Doctor Whale said if we hadn’t of gotten her to the hospital when we did she could have died. She’s suffered from some kind of brain damage. The bartender down at the Rabbit Hole found her on the way to her car.”

“This is not good news…”

Robin began pacing back and forth through the foyer.

“I don’t understand,” he said, “I thought the spectre was supposed to get weaker and fade away with time?”

He looked to Regina for enlightenment as if she were an encyclopedia.

“There were no indications of its life expectancy nor how quickly its powers diminish.”

“How can I help you? What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Continue working with David and keeping an eye out. Take care of your son. The rest…I just…I want to figure this out on my own.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m sorry?” the brunette replied promptly and arched her brow high.

“It’s just that…” Robin rubbed his neck, “All of the stress you’ve been going through and with this added on top…I’m worried about your health. You don’t look well. I can see it in your dark eyes even when you think you’re covering it up with makeup.”

“You think the spectre is going to target me,” Regina’s posture went rigid and defensive, “You think I’m weak.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he reached out for her but she brushed his hand aside.

“I have dealt with far more devious creatures than this one. I’ve held the weight of—”

“Yes. Yes, I know you’ve held the weight of an entire kingdom on your shoulders!” the man exclaimed in exasperation, “You’ve said it many times before, but you’re not in this alone anymore, Regina. You have people who care about you. You have friends; people that love you. You don’t have to dwell in the shadows of your past forever. You’re keeping yourself locked away. Ever since Emma changed you’ve changed too. You’ve been so  _ distant. _ This isn’t the Regina that I know,” There was a silent pause, “Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because I don’t _want_ your help!”

The look on his face should have broken her heart, but she felt numb to it.

“I—” he went to speak, but was sharply cut off.

“Emma…?”

Off in the corner stood the younger woman. When had she gotten there? Perhaps Regina actually had lost her mind and this was an apparition. Her hair for once wasn’t wrapped tightly in a bun. Tonight, it was draped over her torso, but it wasn’t the usual bouncy curls it used to be or even the not-favorite-straight. Her hair had started to matt together into natural dreads. When did those golden strands turned so pale and ashy? It was messy and would have appalled the brunette if it were on anyone else, but she found herself bighting her lip to this unhinged, goth-adopted appearance.

Fully aware of how dramatically her attention had switched from Robin to Emma, she grew self-conscious, her cheeks reddening like a firecracker. She cleared her throat.

“Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to talk,” Emma replied, “but it seems like I’m intruding.”

Robin was obviously stricken by the presence of the Dark One, especially being that her appearances were so rare these days. For him, this was the first time he had seen her since the night she vanished into the Darkness, and looking at her now, the feelings he received were ominous and threatening.

Why were these two always drawn together like magnets? There was a hint of realization sparking like a flame in the back of his mind, but it was still too faint to make out any true discernment. His heart wasn’t about to let his mind take over just yet. Logic and reason is always blinded by love.

“No,” Robin spoke up with the blisters on his pride and heart, “I was just leaving.”

Without even a goodbye or a glance, the thief made his way out the front door. It shut with more force than intended, enough to rattle Regina into reality.

“You can’t just show up whenever it’s convenient for  _ you _ , Miss Swan.”

Regina’s words were sharp and could slice the air but the reality was she was relieved to see the woman.

“I apologize. I didn’t realize you would have company.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Long enough. What’s going on with you two?”

“Do you want some wine?”

After today that is all Regina wanted, so without waiting for a reply she dipped into the kitchen. It was a perfect opportunity to dodge the question. Or so she thought.

“…Regina,” Emma said in a worried tone that panged the brunette in the heart. It was strange to hear such a caring tone from a woman who tried to show no emotion. “You by all means are entitled to your privacy and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but,” she gave a sigh as if the next words were heavy to lift and release, “I am your friend, and I hope you know that you  _ can _ talk to me…i-if you want to.”

Regina’s fingers paused on the crystal glasses she had been reaching for. She felt eyes on the back of her neck and gulped. Did she dare take a glance back? Opening her mouth to speak, Emma actually spoke up to change the topic.

“The spectre is getting stronger,” the blonde stated.

Regina grabbed a bottle of Merlot from the fridge and began to walk out with glasses hanging between two fingers. Emma was leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed.

Regina cleared her throat and moved past the blonde, “That’s impossible.”

“We both know  _ nothing _ is impossible,” Emma declared with a smirk and raised an eyebrow when the older woman turned her head around. There was a glimmer in those green eyes, but it was strange.

Picking up her pace, Regina entered into the drawing room and set the glasses on the coffee table. The fireplace was lit, roaring away and filling the room with a comforting glow. As they both took a seat on the couch, brown eyes looked carefully at the woman beside her. She could see the darkness so very well clinging to the blonde like a symbiotic parasite. She wore it well, but the exhaustion, the torment, bled through the cracks like a seeping wound.

“I’m not worried about the spectre,” Emma said softly as Regina filled the glasses up, “I’m worried about whoever has summoned it. The Netherworld is not something to be dealt with lightly.”

She spoke as if she had been there, but she had not. Regina wasn’t a fool. Along with the package of the Dark One came all of the previous Dark One’s memories and knowledge. She was filled with more knowledge than she realized could actually exist. Usually, she could use that for her advantage but it also came with a price.  A price of knowing more than you ever wanted to.

“I need your help,” Emma admitted and took the wine glass, “I want to know who summoned this spectre and why. What are their intentions? I don’t like this comatose spree sweeping across my town.”

“ _ Your _ town?” Regina challenged with a penetrating gaze. She knew that Emma didn’t care for this town. She only cared about her own wellbeing and her power being challenged. There once was a time when Emma Swan did care about Storybrooke; back when there was bright red leather and a gleam of a sheriff badge on her hip.

Emma only chuckled.

“I thought you didn’t want to help me?” Regina narrowed her eyes as she spoke, “what’s in this for you? You’re still not getting the dagger.”

“I don’t need the dagger,” the blonde declared with a scowl and she took a gulp of her wine, “not now at least. I didn’t care when it was a few things here and there, but if this spectre is getting  _ stronger,  _ then that means we may be dealing with someone powerful here. And I don’t like the thought of that. I need to know who they are and then I’ll put a stop to this child’s play.”

Regina examined the woman thoughtfully. Emma reminded her of the past. Back when she was the Evil Queen. Back when she adopted the title of mayor. It was an eerie reminder of who she once was.  

“Fine,” Regina said with a sigh, “I’ll help you track down the culprit.”

A smile broke out across Emma’s pale face.

“Thank you.”

“And what do you want in return?”

Regina’s body shifted to face the blonde. Their postures eased up and they both took sips of their wine. Emma looked over to the fire coolly, her face unreadable.

“I’ll think of something.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

"When you close your eyes  
Somewhere are you still alive  
Or do you feel, do you feel like you're dead inside?  
When you close your eyes  
Somehow does your heart still beat  
Or are you lost like me?  
When you close your eyes"  
\- Icon for Hire

The last drop of wine dribbled out of the bottle into the crystal glass between Emma's slender fingers as Regina continued bleeding out her heart to a woman she now considered her best friend. As she placed the empty bottle onto the coffee table, she tried not to notice how attentive Emma was being, her eyes almost never looking away.

"I love him," Regina said softly and sadly, "I just...I feel like I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't know what happened."

The words spilled out so brazenly and she could have sworn that Emma smirked, but she couldn't look at her directly. She self-consciously averted her eyes from emerald orbs. The brunette couldn't remember how their conversation had gotten here, but with the help of the pleasant intoxication, her feelings spilled out like a river emptying into an ocean; an ocean that was vast and filled with more emotions than she was comfortable with. And just as all rivers connect to the ocean, she felt her connection to the blonde grow stronger. It wasn't just the wine; she always found it easy to talk to the blonde. They understood one another on a whole other level.

"I know you wanted me to be happy…" Regina sighed with guilt; she wanted to voice how Emma's sacrifice had been in vain, but she held it in, "But I just can't with him. I thought I could, I thought I was happy, but then…" she took a gulp of air, "You left."

Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze for a little too long. Feeling the panic begin to rise in her chest, Regina drew the conversation back to Robin.

"I know Tink said he was supposed to be my soulmate, but he's too perfect. Too good. Everything with him is all so cliché and at first I thought it's what I wanted, but he refuses to see the bad in me. He's always reaching for the light, but it only ends up blinding me and making me feel so numb to the point that I don't even care about his own feelings. And that's not love…I can't keep doing this to him."

"I know exactly what you mean," Emma replied, but grew quiet after. Regina knew that she was referring to Killian, but she didn't press on, for she knew that Emma wasn't keen on opening up about the pirate. Regina may have loosened up, but that didn't necessarily mean Emma would do the same. On the other hand, she could explode with rage and that wasn't a dare worth trying.

"I see the darkness in you," Emma finally said in a low tone, setting her empty glass down, "I see the woman that's trapped, aching for someone to accept everything she is. He turns a blind eye to your shadows and he refuses to see his own. That's what the problem is with everyone. They refuse to accept that we all have this darkness within us. It's what completes us like the yin and yang. I see you, Regina. Every shadow. Every crack of light like stars trying to burst through a void. You're running from a blackhole and it's pulling all the light inside of you and trapping it there, but why don't you stop running? Instead of letting everything suffocate you let it embrace you."

What did she mean, exactly, Regina wondered? Was Emma telling her to embrace her darkness once more or just find a balance? The words that fell from Emma's lips felt genuine, uncovered by the shadowy veil of the Darkness's control. She seemed more down to earth in this moment than she had in a long time since she had become the Dark One. There wasn't the strange paranoia, the resentment or coldness. Regina knew that her friend was still there. Emma Swan was still Emma Swan, just with a sprinkle of black glitter.

"I may be the Dark One, but I made you a promise," she spoke seriously. Emma had been leaning back into the couch, but now sat up quickly, taking Regina's hand in her own, "To find your happiness. And if it's not with Robin, then it looks like our mission isn't complete."

"…Emma…"

"Damnit, Regina. I mean it," she squeezed her hand, "Whatever it takes, we will find your happy ending."

Their eyes locked and Regina's lips fell open, but she couldn't find the words to speak. There were a million ways she could interpret Emma's words, but she could only hear it one way. Was it the wine? Dear God, it had to be the wine because the next thought sent a chill down her spine. Why did Emma's hand feel so nice in hers?

Regina bit her own lip in thought. They were sitting so close, legs brushing against one another when they shifted, so when their lips met every single point of contact became as scorching as the sun. The room felt as if they were spinning on the fringe of the Universe and every ounce of air left their lungs.

Instead of pulling away in panic, Regina leaned into the other woman as cool hands cupped her face with a gentle fierceness. They both tasted of wine and it was making them drunk all over again. The brunette gasped when sharp teeth nipped at her red lips. After all these years, something had to break. The floodgates were opened. The hinges broken. Every aching moment between them was released in this moment.

Had there ever been any hatred for one another at all? Even in the beginning? Or had they both been angry at themselves for seeing a perfect reflection in one another? A perfect push to their shove? There had been something burning deep between them, a friction that had been wearing down the hinges of their self-control.

They couldn't help but save one another time after time. Emma couldn't help herself when she chose to save Regina from the Darkness. When Regina was around she found a different side of herself. A newfound strength. It wasn't about being the Savior. Or the product of True Love. There was something about Regina that made her stronger. Regina made the darkness dissipate; she was the candle in the night that chased away the monsters in the closet.

It was only when they both needed air that they pulled away. Regina's hand was resting on the blonde's thigh and as she became aware of this, she pulled it away cautiously knowing she had crossed into forbidden territory. Her mind was finally beginning to catch up with her when her eyes widened. Neither of them could look away from one another. In fear? Shock?

What had they done? Regina's lips tingled and she wondered if it had been her who leaned in first, but she honestly couldn't remember. It had all happened so fast. She tried to read Emma's face, but it remained encrypted which terrified her all the more. She hadn't thought of kissing Emma before, not that she remembered at least. And now she wanted to again.

Her brain couldn't process this but so fast and it was about to redline. Feeling the heat in her cheeks, and very uncomfortably between her legs, she stood up and put a hand to her forehead, shifting her gaze to the fire that was glowing faintly with embers.

She heard the blonde move, possibly stand to her feet, but she was too terrified to turn around and face the woman.

"I should go," Emma said, and this time Regina was quick to catch the guilt in her voice.

She wanted to run over to Emma and pull her close, stoke the fire and feel the burn. It was a strange desire; this new feeling was blossoming inside of her chest far too quickly.

"Emma, wait—"

But it was too late. Emma had disappeared into a cloud of smoke leaving nothing but the pounding of Regina's stricken heart.

"…I don't want you to go…" Regina whispered to the air, not ready to be left with these thoughts alone.


	11. Chapter 11

 

The clock’s glowing red numbers of 5:38am glared at the brunette from the bedside. Sleep evaded her. The one moment she did slip into a slumber, she had awoken with a racing heart to accompany her fleeting dreams. Dreams of a woman who was determined to turn her life inside out.

Giving in to the coming day, she pushed herself out of bed and made her way down to the kitchen to make herself an extra strong brew of coffee. Being up so early, Regina could go into the office and get a start on a stack of papers she had been neglecting thanks to Storybrooke’s usual magical chaos. However, she was well aware that this might only cause her more distress.

Leaning against the counter, she lifted the steaming, frothy cup of black coffee to her lips and sighed pleasantly when the smell hit her nose. Granny over at the Diner could make a satisfying cup of coffee, but there was truly nothing as potent as Regina’s wickedly dark roasted beans. Who was her supplier? She’d never tell.

As she sipped the hot liquid in hope it would cure her zombified brain, she couldn’t help but think of Emma once more and the way those emerald eyes stared right through her walls of stone.

 _“Damnit, Regina. I mean it,”_ she recalled Emma saying, _“Whatever it takes, we will find your happy ending.”_

Why did Emma care about her happiness so much? Sure, they were friends, but friends didn’t kiss each other. _It was just the wine_ , Regina tried to reassure herself. She had never thought of Emma that way, nor any woman for the matter. Sure, there had been rumors back in the Enchanted Forest of her and Maleficent hooking up, but that’s all they were.

This unexpected turn of events just made her story so much more complicated. Why did it seem like the Universe was always against her regardless of what she did? She had done all she could to repent for every wicked sin she had committed; perhaps this was Fate’s curse: to never be happy.

What did she do now? It’s not like she could have run after Emma. What would she say? What did that… _kiss…_ even mean? Had it been just the heat of the moment? The Wine? The raw emotions?

Her heart dropped into her stomach as a new fear plagued her thoughts. What if she just lost her best friend? What if Emma never looked at her the same again? Or even worse, what if she never spoke to her again? She very clearly remembered the way Emma’s voice cracked right before she left. She knew in that moment that everything between them was changed forever.

 _Everything will be fine,_ Regina told herself, _we’ll just act like it never happened._

               She continued to tell herself this lie as she found comfort in the kitchen, searching through the cabinets in order to see what she could whip up with the available ingredients. She tried not to think of how Emma might make that final slip into the Darkness and wreak havoc on the town. Did she have ingredients to make muffins? She tried not to think about how everyone would blame her. Again.

Ever since she came to this town, she found a special love for baking. On one hand, she was able to see a big grin on her sons face when he would enter the kitchen and see a plateful of cookies. On the other, it took her mind away from the world’s worries. Once she was satisfied with the assemble on the counter, she slipped into her own world for just a few hours.

Her morning felt complete when she looked at herself in the hallway mirror, lips red and hair blowout. After ripping out a page from a notebook in the foyer drawer, she scribbled down a few quick, but elegant letters and placed the note on the counter next to a plate of homemade blueberry muffins. The note read:

_Have a good day at school. There is fresh squeezed orange juice in the fridge. I love you. ~ Mom_

With a pleased smile, she took one of the muffins for herself before heading out the door for work. Perhaps today wouldn’t be so bad after all.

 

To Regina’s comfort, the day was as peaceful as is could be for a day in Storybrooke. There were no alarming phone calls from the police station. Robin hadn’t come to mend the wounds from the night before which she was extremely happy about.

The only thing that was discomforting was the silence she had known to expect.

She let the days pass on and treaded through them lightly, for she still wasn’t sleeping well. It came as a surprise that she hadn’t bitten off anyone’s head yet, but that was because she hadn’t met her formidable opponent. Her self-control, in that aspect, was astonishing; perhaps it was to balance out the madness inside herself.

Thoughts of the blonde kept fluttering through her brain like an erratic itch you can’t scratch away. It was driving her to the brink on insanity. You would think that when one is out of sight, they’re out of mind, but everywhere Regina went something made her think of Emma.

At home, she was reminded that her son who she adored so much was Emma’s flesh and blood. He had her smile. Her laugh. His appetite surely did not come from his adoptive mother. How could she not see it before? Now that her mind was cracked, it was letting in light to illuminate what she couldn’t, or perhaps refused to, see before. That stubborn, young, and foolish woman was chipping away at her mind beyond reason.

Nothing was fine, but she feigned ignorance like a champ.

It was a week later, on her walk home, when she ran into the filthy pirate she loved to hate sitting half-conscious in a flowerbed against one of the buildings. When she saw the flask gleaming in the light, as he lifted it to his lips, she sped up her stroll. She gave a sigh of disapproval but nothing more. _Just let me pass without notice,_ Regina prayed to whatever deities were willing to listen. All she wanted was to not be reminded of the damn blonde and get home to have dinner with her son like a normal day.

“What did I do?” Killian asked her with an obvious slur and she gave a dejected sigh.

“I’m sorry?” Regina asked as she turned on her heels to look down at him. He looked absolutely ridiculous sitting among the flowers and she wondered if he had stumbled into them or if he just nonchalantly decided to crush countless innocent victims for his own leisure. If it had been _her_ flowerbed she would have set his ass on fire and then fed him to the wolves. Ruby, that is.

“I don’t know what I did. I don’t understand how one second she could tell me that she loves me and then turn into a phantom of the night the next, never to be seen again. I want my Emma back. I want the love of my life to love me back. I don’t understand why she did it. Why would she throw away our love? Was my love not enough? Obviously, it wasn’t if I can’t even save her…”

Was this the pirate’s lowest moment? Was he ever this broken over Millah? He wouldn’t be able to tell you the day if you asked him nor the time. Killian Jones wasn’t the man he used to be. He had shattered for the final time and couldn’t pick up the pieces. Now he was just a hollow existence, reaching for what was now just a memory.

“What if she doesn’t need saving? What if she just needs someone to understand her?”

“What the hell does _that_ mean?” Killian snapped, her face growing dark, “The rumors are true, aren’t they? She still talks to you. Why you? Why does everything seem to link back to you, Your Majesty? Why did she have to sacrifice everything for _you?_ What the hell makes _you_ so special? All of this, _everything,_ ” his arms extended outward, “is _your_ fault!”

               Regina could feel the rage boiling inside of her and every ounce of annoyance she had been holding in for the last week exploded.

 “Do you think I don’t know that!?” she shrieked, “If I could have stopped her I would have. I was ready for the darkness to take me. It was _my_ soul it was after. Not hers. She didn’t deserve to have the light snuffed out,” her hands were shaking with adrenaline and her eyes swelled with tears, “Killian, I’m sorry that it ended up this way, but sitting on your ass drinking rum all day isn’t going to bring Emma back to you.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” the man choked on his words as water driblets poured down his cheeks.

Even for Regina, it was a hard site to see and she turned her face away. She was still annoyed, but she could empathize with his pain and _that_ she did not want to think about.

“But I love her…” he cried and as he did Regina felt her own heart break into a million pieces, “What do I do without her?”

               “You’re a pirate. You’ve traversed vast oceans full of monsters and magic. Pull yourself together, _Captain,_ and find your backbone,” she told him coldly, “Have you ever wondered if this fragile state of yours is the reason she doesn’t want to be around you?”

               She saw the way her words cut like a knife through his chest. Emma was too good for this pirate and it took the Darkness to finally make Emma see that. And although Regina wanted nothing more than to leave this man to rot in his sorrows, she knew that this needed to end.

               With an irritated grumble, she reached down and pulled the man on his feet despite his protests. Before he could rip away from her grip, they were encased in a cloud of purple smoke. When the magic dissipated, Killian stumbled and nearly fell off the porch but caught himself. He realized that they were at a house he had never been to before. By the time he came to his senses, Emma was answering the door.

               “Regina,” Emma said with a startled breath, but then her eyes narrowed when she saw the man who was behind the brunette, “What is _he_ doing here?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I am so sorry for not keeping up with the updates. I've been very focused on the real world and trying to stay sane within the chaos. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave me some kudos and comments if you do! Thanks for reading!

 

As if looking in a mirror, Regina’s composure went straight and she glared at the woman standing in front of her. All the anxiety that had plagued her before vanished and was replaced by an anger she was not aware she had been holding.

“He is _not_ the towns problem,” the brunette stabbed as she moved forward into the doorway, forcing Emma to take a step back, “He is _your_ problem, Emma.”

Their eyes seemed to glow with long lost fury as Regina remembered why this woman before her infuriated her all those years ago. This wasn’t a declaration of war; at least she hoped that the darkened savior didn’t take it that way, but she was tired of Emma running from all of her problems.

“I understand that you’re going through a lot but you can’t just pretend that you don’t see the man suffering. You’ve been running away from every mention of his name. I know you, Emma. I know you don’t want to hurt him, but can’t you see your silence is crushing him?”

Green eyes looked beyond the woman, expecting to see the pirate staring back at her with heartbroken eyes, but instead she found the man leaning over the edge of the porch looking sea sick from all the rum weighing him down.

               “What do you expect me to do, Regina?”

               The anger that had so suddenly erupted within the brunette dissipated as she heard the desperation in Emma’s voice. Emma was lost, drifting in a perpetual ocean of chaos. Her face was a puzzle, a collection of mismatched pieces that Regina wanted to reach out and touch.

               Regina shuddered at that thought before recalling their conversation from a week ago.

_“…That’s not love…I can’t keep doing this to him.”_

_“I know exactly what you mean…”_

               Emma was so reluctant to open up about her feelings, but Regina had done her best to read between the lines. The fact that she put so much effort into understanding this woman should have been a huge clue to their current dynamic, but that wasn’t the problem to solve right now.

Emma wasn’t doing this to purposely hurt Killian. While it may not have been true love, Emma still loved the man with all of her heart; it was undeniably true as she looked away with guilt behind her lashes. But she wasn’t _in_ _love_ with Killian. Was Emma beating herself up over this realization?

Regina sighed.

“Silence can be the worst pain of all, Emma.”

Their eyes locked and they both shifted as if an uncomfortable pain jolted through them both. Was she still referring to Killian or…?

“You may be saving yourself by running away, but what about the person you’ve left stranded? What about _their_ feelings? You can’t keep shutting him out. He needs closure. If it’s over between you two then he needs to know.”

Emma pursed her lips and shifted her gaze, fixated on how the first half of that sentence were neutral pronouns. Although she was making a hard attempt to feign ignorance she could feel those amber eyes burning a hole into her, reading her every nearly undecodable movement. Why did Regina do this to her?   

“I’m afraid of breaking his heart,” she admitted under her breath.

“I think you’ve already done that, dear.”

The blonde tensed. She knew Regina didn’t say it out of spite, but as a simple fact. Emma didn’t respond. Instead she simply nodded like a child who had been scolded for bad behavior.

“Will you talk to him?” Regina asked softly, scanning the blonde’s face, wishing her to meet her gaze, but also terrified to see those emerald orbs filled with so much turmoil.

“I suppose you haven’t left me with many options,” Emma replied with a weak laugh and scratched the back of her head.  

“I’m sorry,” Regina said sincerely and gave her a smile for moral support, but there was a pain in her eyes that both of them were aware of. Killian wasn’t the only one who needed closure, but that was going to have to wait.

Not knowing what else to do, Regina glanced back at the man who was now staring dumbfoundedly at them.  

“…Killian…?” Emma called out with a wavering voice.

“I’ll give you two your privacy then,” the brunette declared and with a wave of her hand, she left them there alone as she vanished in a cloud of purple wisps.

* * *

It was silent around Mill’s Manor; just the way Regina liked it except for the fact that it left her mind without distraction. While many ran away from the impending doom of nothingness, she took comfort in her solitude. It was hard to find time to herself these days without feeling like she wanted to jump off Storybrooke’s Cliffs. That was the joke; this town had no such features and thus she was stuck here forever until she withered away.

She was thinking of Emma. Why she couldn’t get that pestering woman off her mind was something she didn’t want to ponder too heavily on tonight. Or ever for the matter.

She needed a change of scenery and the evening air seemed inviting enough. There was so much to do. So much to worry about. But tonight, Regina needed to just be. She had made it half way through her book – a fine distraction it turned out to be – when the light of the sun decided to cut her off, but she didn’t mind. Instead, she took the last sip of her cider that had gone cold and let her mind wander as she counted the approaching stars.

Regina hadn’t been expecting company; not even her usual blonde companion, so her attire was loose and comfortable. Wrapped in a plaid throw, she began to relax into the wicker chaise that sat beside her beloved apple tree, but felt the hairs on her arms stand up.

 She should have been alarmed of her state, her brown locks in a frizzy disarray, but realized she didn’t care.

               “Must you always sneak up on me, Swan?” she sighed.

               “Is it sneaking if you know I’m there?” the younger woman chuckled as she stepped into view, “Is Henry home?” Emma glanced up at his room to see the light off.

               “No, he’s over at a friend’s house tonight.”

               “Oh, that’s cool.”

               Regina’s raised a curious eyebrow as the blonde kicked her foot at the grass.

“How did things go?” Regina asked.

               Watching Emma let out a breath she had been repressing, Regina pulled her knees to her chest to make room on the chaise. At first Emma was hesitant, but eventually she found her way over and placed her elbows on her knees, head falling into her hands.

               “It’s over,” she said solemnly, “I can’t promise you he won’t continue to be the town drunk, but I did the best that I could... I never meant to hurt him. I care but I can’t expel all of my energy worrying if he’s going to fall into the sea without me.”

               “It’s not your burden to carry anymore.”

               “I did the best I could to explain to him why but I can’t even explain things to myself. I don’t know why I fell out of love with him because I _did_ love him, but something changed in me. Or maybe not changed, but this darkness brought to light feelings…or well…” she fumbled over her words momentarily, “ _things_ that I didn’t realize were there.”

               Emma by this point had raised her head but had her eyes glued on the shadows for comfort. Regina remained silent, unsure of how to approach the conversation. There was an ever-growing warmth radiating between them, a static building exponentially higher; neither knew whether to pull away or draw closer, so there they remained, frozen like statues.

“He kept asking why,” the blonde continued, “What he had done wrong, but it’s not like he did anything wrong! I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just…I know I’m not in love with him, but I told him that I still cared about him. He kept begging me to let him change, to become a better man…He just wouldn’t listen to me; it’s nothing that he can change. I know Killian would have died for me and I know he would have taken my place as Dark One if he could, but I didn’t want him to. I don’t want _anyone_ to because I _chose_ this.”

Emma’s frustrated ramblings could be amusing, but with the knowledge of the possible origin of tonight’s topic, Regina sobered up quickly.

“I knew what I was doing when I took the Darkness from you, Regina. I knew the nastiness I would take on. When he summoned me that day…when I hurt him… I could picture myself ending his life with my own hands. I saw the dagger and knowing the power he could have over me, I lost control. And while I know those thoughts weren’t my own at the time, I realized that I _could_ live without him. I had guilt for hurting him, but that was all I could muster. I wanted to apologize for the agony I had caused him because I knew it was in vain.”

True pain adorned the blonde’s face, lighting her up in a bittersweet glow. For Emma to open up like that to Regina…it was a first. She was peeling her skin back, allowing her flesh to be burned. It wasn’t like her to admit she had such regrets and emotions over things she tried so hard to remain unaffected by. It was a miraculous step in their relationship, for Emma Swan wasn’t supposed to have feelings and if she did, they were only when doom was on the horizon.

Emma spoke of Killian but all she could think about was the woman sitting beside her. She could lean over and touch her if she wanted to, but instead she shifted in her position, crossing her legs on the chair. Ironically, she ended up brushing her knee against Regina’s leg thinking it was just the blanket.

“I’m glad you finally put an end to that madness,” Regina said lightly.

“Why is that?” Emma asked with feigned innocence and when emerald eyes met amber, she tried not to crack a grin. Their eyes remained locked. Knowing without a doubt there was still tension between them, they both attempted to read one another, but they both were masters at shielding behind their masks.

“It was hurting you, Emma,” Regina replied in a way that made it sound obvious. The way she said her name sent an alarming shiver down Emma’s spine and she bit on her lip, immediately averting her gaze.

It was amazing to see how much they cared for one another without directing saying it. They were each other’s rock, falling apart without the other, which was such a twist of fate for the Savior and the Evil Queen, but their ink had run dry in those stories. Emma wasn’t really the Savior anymore, was she? And while Regina still possessed the old title of Queen, evil didn’t ring true these days.

Emma was thinking of these things now, but couldn’t voice them. She couldn’t imagine Regina losing all of the light she had worked so hard to obtain. Regina was a strong woman, Emma knew that, but the darkness would have consumed her and she would have been lost to all. Even Emma. She couldn’t lose her best friend so instead she chose to take on the Darkness for herself. It didn’t matter about her parents. She wasn’t thinking about Henry losing his mothers. She wasn’t being the Savior. In fact, she did it out of selfishness knowing that she couldn’t live in a world where Regina hated her again.

That is why she sacrificed everything for Regina Mills and she would do it all over again even if the results were a thousand times shittier. Because love is sacrifice. However, Emma remained in ignorance, unaware of what was right in front of her the entire time. She still couldn’t make it out in the fog.

But she had kissed Regina. Did that mean she was into women now? She hadn’t thought about a woman intimately before and quite honestly that just added a whole other field to get lost in. But she still remembered the first day she met Regina as if it were yesterday. That color of her grey dress and how nice and neat her short hair was. It had grown out a lot since then; she hadn’t thought of it until now but she liked her better this way. Regina seemed free, as if she had just walked out of the garden of Eden with all the knowledge in her hands. Time finds ways to rust around the edges, yet Regina had found a way to stay radiant within the chaos. And that is why Emma admired Regina so much; she was able to dance in the cosmic fear, walk across the rippling seas of entropy.

“What’s on your mind?” she heard a voice say and when Emma snapped out of her thoughts, her pale face took on the shade of a rose.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hello everyone, thanks for sticking with me. I feel like we're finally getting to the good stuff you've all been waiting for. I'm really sorry my writing is so random and sporadic. And of course, my muse comes to me when school starts and I have a shit ton of homework and work... I hope you continue to stick around. Leave me a comment on what you thought! They are greatly appreciated. I put much more dedication towards my writing when inspiration comes...I really need to do homework...

“Could I have a sip of your cider?” Emma asked casually, throwing the brunette off.

               Reaching for her glass, she took a dejected sigh, “You could except I don’t have any.”

               “Oh,” Emma replied with an awkward laugh, scratching at the back of her head, “Well that’s okay.”

               “Why don’t you come inside. I’ll make you some.”

               Regina gathered the blanket into a ball and tucked her book under her arm. When she stood up and reached for her cup, she felt the blanket slipping and realized that Emma was pulling it from her. She let the woman take it as if it were second nature and walked into the house, leaving the door open behind her.

               The house was quiet and dark save for a few candles lit around the place. Regina flicked the light on in the kitchen and placed her cup and book onto the counter. There was a small pot already sitting on the stove and she turned it on again to heat the remaining cider, before reaching into the fridge for an unopened container.

               Emma watched her silently, suddenly aware that the blanket she was holding smelled of the brunette. She wanted to hold it to her nose, but she resisted. Instead, she folded it up and sat it on the edge of the island-top.

               Perhaps it would have been better to stay outside in the cool, fresh air, Emma thought as she pulled off her jacket, leaving her in a black tank top. Now there was an undeniable gravity between them, drawing them towards one another, but neither gave in. Instead they hovered in their own corners both highly aware of one another’s presence, like two suns locked in a dance

               “It feels nice to be over here,” Emma blurted out, “over at your house, I mean, not like… over here… in this spot.”

               Regina turned her attention from the stove towards the woman and raised a curious eyebrow, her lips pulling into a light grin at her companion’s self-conscious anxiety. One that she never showed to others. Emma was a tough cookie, even on the outside as the Savior to the Queen, but those defenses had fallen long ago. Even so, Regina had been able to read her like an open book the day they met.

               “You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to,” Regina replied calmly as she added nutmeg and a cinnamon stick to the pot, but was fully aware her fingers were on the verge of shattering the spice container. She wanted Emma to really take what she said seriously, to not leave her alone with thoughts of what could and should be, “Can you pass me that bottle next to you?”

               “Spiced rum, your majesty?” Emma said with a wiggle of her eyebrow, “I thought you were only a wine and homemade cider kind of woman?”

She laughed at the eyeroll she received.

“This is _for_ the cider, you imbecile,” Regina teased, her mood lifting at the old-time banter, and took the bottle from her, “but if you object I can just—”

“Wait, wait, please don’t stop on my behalf.”

The brunette’s eyes wandered over towards the woman’s childish grin and she bit her lip before pouring more than enough into the warming cider. Her brews were already relatively strong, but every now and then she needed an extra kick. Sure, time would make her ciders stronger, but that was one thing she most definitely did not have. If she happened to wait too long, it would turn to vinegar, but amateur mistakes like that were long behind her.

“Are you hungry?” Regina asked.

“Nah, I’m okay. I don’t have an appetite much these days.”

Regina’s brow furrowed. That was definitely a new thing to get used to. When was the last time Emma had a bearclaw? A hot chocolate with cinnamon? Did she have the stomach for them anymore? While the blonde’s appetite repulsed Regina back in the day, there was a tinge of longing for the old Emma.

“As long as you’re eating,” Regina found herself saying like a concerned mother, but wasn’t really sure where this conversation was going.

They knew they were dancing around the elephant in the room, but no one was going to poke it. Was it an elephant though? They hadn’t even given it a name let alone acknowledgement. The blonde ran her fingers across her knuckles, mindlessly tracing patterns to distract her mind.

“It’s so quiet here,” Emma said with an approving sigh, leaning back into the counter, “I miss being over here. I don’t hear them when I’m around you.”

While Regina wanted to lean into the fact that Emma admitted to enjoying something involving her, the peculiar last sentence caught her attention.

“ _Them_?” Regina questioned as she turned to her.

“Oh um,” Emma’s pale cheeks reddened as if she hadn’t meant to say it aloud, “There is this perpetual voice in my head. It mocks me. Taunts me,” she paused and scratched her head awkwardly, “Sometimes it’s one, two, three voices. Sometimes I recognize it as Gold and I even see him as the Dark One. But I know it’s not him…he’s not really there. It’s just a memory of his ego haunting me.”

“How long has he…they…how long have you heard these voices?”

Concerned truly now, Regina began to walk towards the blonde.

“Ever since I became the Dark One,” Emma replied, avoiding looking at the woman who was walking closer to her.

Regina grew silent and her walking slowed. It seemed to bring an uneasy aura to the room.

“You never told me,” the brunette said like a hurt child who wasn’t let in on a secret.

“I didn’t really know how to. I didn’t want you…” Emma paused again, “I didn’t want you to look at me like I was crazy.”

Those words snapped Regina out of her little ego-trip and she finished her path towards the woman.

“Emma, you’re not crazy.”

Their eyes made contact as Regina took her hand lightly, as if afraid it might burn her. Emma’s breath hitched and Regina heard it, her brown eyes growing darker in response.

“I would never think you’re crazy. In fact, I think you’re been the most grounded person in this entire town.”

Those amber eyes were looking at her, only her, so convincingly and her grip had grown stronger on cool fingers. Regina hadn’t had much of a plan when she walked over here, so as she stood there, hand wrapped around Emma’s, she began to grow increasingly self-conscious. What she didn’t know was that her feelings were mutual as Emma became aware how comforting those warm hands were on her own.

Reaching for whatever she could to remain in this state of limbo, Emma spoke.

“I don’t _feel_ grounded. At least when I’m alone. I feel like the entire world is weighing down on me. Sometimes all I want to do is go out and wreak havoc across town. Not for any sort of reason. Just because I’d get off on it in some sick, twisted way.”

Emma’s face sneered and Regina remembered what it felt like to be stuck in those awful thoughts. Regina had actually gone through with her twisted desires, and still there were times where she’d need to just sit with herself and remember where she had come from.

That’s what always separated her from Emma; that unrelenting strength from the very beginning. Regina never had that strength; she always gave in. She had to gain it through magic and manipulation. Sure, Emma gained immense power from the dark forces she absorbed, but she hadn’t taken it for that reason. There wasn’t a desire to conquer, a will to be the best. She was already powerful without it, even without her magic.

“Everyone else in this town thinks I’ve lost my mind for saving you,” Emma went on, “Why would I throw away everything I gained after what you put me through? Put my family through? But I didn’t hesitate when the Darkness came after you. There hadn’t been any time for doubts or _if_ I could save you. I just had to. Was that a foolish move? Would that have been considered _grounded?_ ” Emma laughed bitterly, “I don’t think my family or anyone else for the matter would think so, but I don’t regret it,” she paused and they looked at one another again.

A smile pulled across Emma’s face, a true genuine smile, and Regina felt her heart bust with butterflies. In response, she squeezed the blonde’s hand, but a thought drifted through her mind. Her grip loosened as her face scrunched up.

 “What is it?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you for saving me,” Regina admitted in realization.

“You never had to. You’ve done more than enough,” Emma contended and was met with a pleasant chuckle.

“Me? I haven’t done anything.”

“Agree to disagree?”

“If it will shut you up, Miss Swan,” Regina replied with a smirk and watched as Emma bit her tongue, in an adorable grin.

It was so strange. Emma had much more color and life when it was just the two of them; meanwhile, towards everyone else she was bitter and cold. With Henry, she had become more concerned, but found it hard to express her love to him. It was as if there was some disconnect with the rest of the world and Regina was the bridge.

Did that mean anything?

The ever-growing smell of apple and spices finally caught the brunette’s attention and she swiftly turned away from the blonde, heading over to the stove. Turning the knob off, she reached for a second mug in the cabinet.

“Did you want to migrate to someplace we can sit?” Regina asked as she filled their mugs up of steaming amber liquid.

“Sure,” Emma replied from behind her, much closer than the brunette had been expecting causing Regina to jump. A sadistic laugh escaped pale lips.

Regina had always been the one to play with fire, but now Emma was the one wielding the flames. Her skin tingled as Emma reached around to take her drink. Stepping away, Regina took the opportunity to slip past and grab the blanket on the counter before heading towards the drawing room.


End file.
